havent been here in some time.. lots of stuff have been happening in the pass 1 week.. confusing, dissapointing, saddening, worriying, discouaging...gotla those that are weirdly interesting,mind boggling, fulfilling,out of this world, crappy, edifiying and most of all mind-changing.
It all started at the started of the Deepa-Raya celebrations collaborating with a fund raiser for poor kids in Sudan.Honestly, i wasnt being myself for a whole 2/3 weeks & started to grow freaking tired and bored of living life like a total rutein..& when things dont go the way i planned...things unplanned comin up...people who dont act the way they shud... people who in a way dey shudnt... and the list will never end. Also started speaking and crapping like never before..& getting aggitated & freaking irritated whenever a lil thing seemed out of place.
People around me have indeed felt,sensed, and pointed it out..What went wrong?
Someone quoted: When you feel like God seems further away, guess who moved?
How many times of recomitting myself back to God do i need to get myself right? Suddenly..surrending myself at the altar ..wanting so desperately to be broken and tansformed...didnt do much good.. Or did i do wholeheatedly..or just selfishly wanting a change ?..just to feel better.
But..u see.I know whats wrong and why its going wrong.. I also know exactly what to do...but just too lazy to do it.. Is there such a thing as a Mental Honeymoon..?
At the end of it..is there any other way other than Gods very own spoken words to turn to..? Iv 4gotten..4 a period of time..that I ..MESELF actually had a living God living rite inside of me..
Jesus says that we shoud speak to the situation, not about them..
Iv also underestimated the power of spoken words,speech and idle talk.. Wait!~ Didnt i make a committment 2 put that away long ago.. cant believe it slowly..veeery slowly..crept back in..like a thief in the night..
Coz whatever we say can either MAKE or BREAK the atmosphere...
hahah lookin back... how much of time,energy,& brains iv wasted worriying,thinking too hard on worthtless things..
But on the brighter side of it, i wudnt have known what were my weakest points..n wer n how that devil slipped in..
Ps.Kenneth reminded me. WE are the atmosphere builders.WE change situations around. Also..
The essence of leadeship: Seek to understand.Then, to be understood.
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Saturday, November 06, 2004
Who Am I
Who Am I ??
Who am i..? That the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am i..?That the bright morning star
Would care to light the way
Of my ever wondering heart
Not Because of who i am.
But because of what you've done
Not because of what i've done
But because of who you are..
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean,vapour in th wind
Still you hear me when im calling
Lord you catch me when im falling
And told me who i am..
I am Yours.
Who am i..?That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And see me rise again
Who am i..?That the voice that calm the seas
Would call out though the rain
And calm the storms in me.
Not because of who i am.
But because of what you've done
Not because of what i've done
But because of who You are.
----------------------------------------------
Thank you Father..for everything.
Who am i..? That the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am i..?That the bright morning star
Would care to light the way
Of my ever wondering heart
Not Because of who i am.
But because of what you've done
Not because of what i've done
But because of who you are..
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean,vapour in th wind
Still you hear me when im calling
Lord you catch me when im falling
And told me who i am..
I am Yours.
Who am i..?That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And see me rise again
Who am i..?That the voice that calm the seas
Would call out though the rain
And calm the storms in me.
Not because of who i am.
But because of what you've done
Not because of what i've done
But because of who You are.
----------------------------------------------
Thank you Father..for everything.
Friday, November 05, 2004
Sweet Surrender
HUH! almost had this post done last night..when half way thru my PC kena hang..wuz like shiZZle!! mahnn!
Nvm. *sigh*
We had our 1st class with our new chemistry lecturer.goodbye Ms.Aneela. *tsk tsk tsk* But to think of it..what a waste of 4 whole months..Had a SOLID 2 hours on tutorials & another 2 on titration.Chemistry class never felt sooo fulfilling 4 a long time..Tho we are goin to have to start from scratch..Chap 1 Atoms,Molecule & Stokiometry ..but..All the better rite? Get to build a stronger foundation..or am i just comforting myself?? I do appreciate the watever effort she has put into improving herself. But it just wasnt enuff. After having 1 full lecture on the 1st topic, is when we realised how far backwards and left behind we actually were. well, i did ask God for a new lecturer ASAP..so..thank you Lord!
I never really had the patience & consistancy to write a diary last time. there were ones that lasted me 1 year the most. Let alone a blog.But i guess cz blogs are more easily accessible..So,this time..i dare myself to keep this up until i break my last record 1 year..muahaha..sesat la..
Few weeks back when i stumbled accross my old diary..Reading the stuff i had written when i was in form 3.. haha it was hilarious..!~ Talk about childish ways.. Well, i guess it just shows how much you have grown over the years..maturing in spirit,soul & body.
Again,about presbytery night at MTI tonight.Ps David did things quite differently this time. He divided the whole congregation into 2 groups..MTI foreign participants on 1 side & WorldHarvestChurch members on the other. Ps William frm KK was to pray for us.WHC mems were also divided into : normal church members, M21cell ,M22cell and assistant pastors.
God was soooo very real.The air was different.It carried a certain supernatural kinda weight..It was God's very own presence together with the Holy Spirit hovering over the crowd.Those who were waiting to be prayed for, had similar gestures , an eagerness & anticipation on what would God do?What was He going say?What is He going to expose? Well, for me..I really & always wanted to hear from God on what He wants to say about my future.A confirmation to what He said 2 years ago at HUGE camp 2002.. It all seemed so uncertain..quite impossible & ...well..dont know what to do next..
But tonight, i asked God fo something different.Or Ps William said,tonight was a time of receiving the grace,anointing & replenishing of our own spirit. Tonight, was solely given to the HolySpirit.He pointed out the areas that im extreamly fond of which i have to give to God.One thing the HS showed that hit me..was that: to be called, u have to behave like a person who has been called.To be set apart from the rest. To be called into a royal priesthood & a partnership with the Father.. He also mentioned "Evangelism in worship.."... i wonder..
Nvm. *sigh*
We had our 1st class with our new chemistry lecturer.goodbye Ms.Aneela. *tsk tsk tsk* But to think of it..what a waste of 4 whole months..Had a SOLID 2 hours on tutorials & another 2 on titration.Chemistry class never felt sooo fulfilling 4 a long time..Tho we are goin to have to start from scratch..Chap 1 Atoms,Molecule & Stokiometry ..but..All the better rite? Get to build a stronger foundation..or am i just comforting myself?? I do appreciate the watever effort she has put into improving herself. But it just wasnt enuff. After having 1 full lecture on the 1st topic, is when we realised how far backwards and left behind we actually were. well, i did ask God for a new lecturer ASAP..so..thank you Lord!
I never really had the patience & consistancy to write a diary last time. there were ones that lasted me 1 year the most. Let alone a blog.But i guess cz blogs are more easily accessible..So,this time..i dare myself to keep this up until i break my last record 1 year..muahaha..sesat la..
Few weeks back when i stumbled accross my old diary..Reading the stuff i had written when i was in form 3.. haha it was hilarious..!~ Talk about childish ways.. Well, i guess it just shows how much you have grown over the years..maturing in spirit,soul & body.
Again,about presbytery night at MTI tonight.Ps David did things quite differently this time. He divided the whole congregation into 2 groups..MTI foreign participants on 1 side & WorldHarvestChurch members on the other. Ps William frm KK was to pray for us.WHC mems were also divided into : normal church members, M21cell ,M22cell and assistant pastors.
God was soooo very real.The air was different.It carried a certain supernatural kinda weight..It was God's very own presence together with the Holy Spirit hovering over the crowd.Those who were waiting to be prayed for, had similar gestures , an eagerness & anticipation on what would God do?What was He going say?What is He going to expose? Well, for me..I really & always wanted to hear from God on what He wants to say about my future.A confirmation to what He said 2 years ago at HUGE camp 2002.. It all seemed so uncertain..quite impossible & ...well..dont know what to do next..
But tonight, i asked God fo something different.Or Ps William said,tonight was a time of receiving the grace,anointing & replenishing of our own spirit. Tonight, was solely given to the HolySpirit.He pointed out the areas that im extreamly fond of which i have to give to God.One thing the HS showed that hit me..was that: to be called, u have to behave like a person who has been called.To be set apart from the rest. To be called into a royal priesthood & a partnership with the Father.. He also mentioned "Evangelism in worship.."... i wonder..
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
Lazy la......
Sort of forgot to update the date&time in me brain..woke up not knowing what date,time,day it was.. talk about total blurrness..there you have it.Thank God 4 karen who reminded me that we were supposed to meet up with DrWong the college directors reguading the fund raiser we were planning to have in collaboration with the Deepa-raya celebrations..
Mahn..what?..its november already?? *ahhdoii* In view of what was lined up for the rest of the month, didn't even dare to think of it.October was rather full,confusing,& ...unfruitful..so barren...so dry.. But didnt God say that we will bare 'much fruit' in this season? So..what happened..God?
A rather senseless and stupid question to ask a great God? yupp.Why ask God when even a kid can answer that? But i guess, every minister would also have been through this stage before..
But as PsDavid once said.."God does not need a qualified/competent person, but only a heart that is simple,childlike, and most of all..a loyal heart & willing mind to work in"
he also said "Beware that the fruitfulness of God's word in our lives is yet detemined by our receptivity and teachability." in this context...an open heart & mind to actually grab hold of whatever mistakes God has corrected in us..and do not repeat it..
Afflictions should NOT cause us to "just fling of the load onto the road".God has already given us the correct amount of grace & strength to go through it and come out StroNGeR !!
But may the God of all grace,who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus,after you have suffered a while, may come out perfect,establish, and strengthen and settle you.." (1Peter5:10)
I truly believe that this is "the waiting" time. At the same time,while waiting in faith & patience.. "Patience forms the foundation & sustains faith until the real result is manifested.The has the courage to refuse satan's favourite lie >>" God's word is not working fo you.... :P "
Similaly to a marraige vow..Only under the pressure when nothing seems to be going right..can one test the true depth of ones faith in God..
Being a Christian...in these days especially..but.. to be willing to be broken,waiting in faith and in total surrender to God...is what He is most pleased about & will definately reward you in due time.
Mahn..what?..its november already?? *ahhdoii* In view of what was lined up for the rest of the month, didn't even dare to think of it.October was rather full,confusing,& ...unfruitful..so barren...so dry.. But didnt God say that we will bare 'much fruit' in this season? So..what happened..God?
A rather senseless and stupid question to ask a great God? yupp.Why ask God when even a kid can answer that? But i guess, every minister would also have been through this stage before..
But as PsDavid once said.."God does not need a qualified/competent person, but only a heart that is simple,childlike, and most of all..a loyal heart & willing mind to work in"
he also said "Beware that the fruitfulness of God's word in our lives is yet detemined by our receptivity and teachability." in this context...an open heart & mind to actually grab hold of whatever mistakes God has corrected in us..and do not repeat it..
Afflictions should NOT cause us to "just fling of the load onto the road".God has already given us the correct amount of grace & strength to go through it and come out StroNGeR !!
But may the God of all grace,who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus,after you have suffered a while, may come out perfect,establish, and strengthen and settle you.." (1Peter5:10)
I truly believe that this is "the waiting" time. At the same time,while waiting in faith & patience.. "Patience forms the foundation & sustains faith until the real result is manifested.The has the courage to refuse satan's favourite lie >>" God's word is not working fo you.... :P "
Similaly to a marraige vow..Only under the pressure when nothing seems to be going right..can one test the true depth of ones faith in God..
Being a Christian...in these days especially..but.. to be willing to be broken,waiting in faith and in total surrender to God...is what He is most pleased about & will definately reward you in due time.
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