My Prayer Every Morning (My desired* Prayer Every Morning)

Especially during the past 1 month.. every morning of everyday was spent rushing to some place to get soooomething done. I've been in this confusing, unclear, sort of blur, unfocused condition every since i finished my last sem's final exams. I felt i sort of lost of control of things happening around me. Being the sort of person that normally *or at least most of the time having things under control.. this felt terrible. No matter how hard i tried to get things sorted out, or at LEAST stop them from going out of hand.. they just never seem to work out the way I thought they would. At one of the many points in my life... I've lost control. Whats going on?

Then when reality suddenly struck me 2 days ago.. when I totally lost control of something, i thought "Goshhh... whats happening God? what did i do wrong or didnt do right? Somehow, did YOU allow things to go thisss wrong? why??" then it hit me again..

UNknowingly all this while, my statement in my mind itself was terribly wrong.. "However i try to fix things, I'm still loosing control" I've resorted into relying on myself..my un-smart self, to get things in order, leaving Jesus at the edge of the picture, just being the frame. Many times while driving to college or driving back home, I talked to God about things..how dreadful i feel about situations around me.. how guilty i felt not being able to love and care enough for those who needed it.. and how much strength and effort was lost focusing on people and situations that were unimportant and not urgent, despite being reminded time and time again that it is UNIMPORTANT. i even made a pack with God that im taking it off my life list altogether, NO MORE.. but God knows best that at the back of my mind, it was still bothering me. in all my planning, i left God out.. goshh i feel like such a loser~

then this morning, something led me to watch this video..Lead Me To The Cross by hillsong & Fraser.. and this is what it said to me:

Saviour I come, quiet my soul, remember..
Redemption's hill where Your blood was spilled, for my ransom
Everything i once held dear, i count it all as loss

Chorus:
Lead me to the cross where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees, Lord i lay me down
Rid me of myself, I belong to You
O lead me, Lead me to the cross

You were as i, tempted and tried, HUMAN
The Word became flesh, bore my sin and death
Now You're risen
Everything I once held dear, i count it all as loss

Bridge:
To Your heart.. To Your Heart..
Lead me to Your heart...

and as Brooke said in the video blog, 'Jesus lead me to the cross in every situation I'm in today, let the cross be the central point of focus. Always lead me back to here Lord, whatever happens!'

Prov 16
vs 3 says: commit to the Lord everything you do, and your plans WILL succeed
vs 9 says: a man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his paths

I dont really know what I'm going to do next in terms of planning, but one thing I want to change is to stop looking at myself, what i have done in the past, or what iv planned for my future, because its in His hands. In all this, my dear Lord was trying to get my attension, He wanted my attension. He wanted my heart for Himself. Ah... a jealous God. I love Him because He loved me first! and as weak and tactless as I am, lead me back to Your heart.. dear dear Lord!