You are strength & hope like NO OTHER

ups and downs, and ups again...then when you're starting to enjoy the ups, things go down again.. guess this cycle will never really end..

but the great thing about this life is...no number of ups and downs can actually pull you down. THINGS mite, but I wont. coz im standing on a rock solid foundation-bought by and fully paid for by flesh and blood. A little too much to pay for my ups and downs? i think so too

apparently, not only my ups and downs are paid for. My escape from hell, and VIP pass to enter the gates of heaven, having my name written on the ever so famous Book Of Life was paid by the blood of this Life. Its the life of my most dearly beloved Creator. Unto the Lamb Who sits on the throne, be glory and honour and praise! His love..so great..so deep..so strong. its this love that moved Him down from His throne, to be n a stinky, dirty, fly-infested barn. There.. he breathe His first breath in a human body. Born to die..for my ups and downs. Just so that He could take me home to heaven. He died, just to be able to take me home? He had to, because there was no other way.

Hope which was lost among mankind, now stands renewed.

as the end of this 2007 is nearing, so is the beginning of a spectacular 2008. and many other years to come. In Him, i face every tomorrow gracefully, beautifully, faithfully, and fearlessly. To show and tell the world that GOD be THE SOLUTION to everything they are looking for.

I thank my God, my Creator, my best friend, the lover of my soul, my Father, for salvation. For the priceless blood that He poured out for me. I give my life to honour this. The love of Christ, the Saviour King.

I also commit this blog, all the posts that have been written way back since 2004, and for the many posts and testimonies to come. I give this to God, that this blog will honour You.

Counter Strike of the ransomed heart

Having a doctrine pass before the mind is not what the Bible means by knowing the truth.

It’s only when it reaches down deep into the heart that the truth begins to set us free, just as a key must penetrate a lock to turn it, or as rainfall must saturate the earth down to the roots in order for your garden to grow. - ransomedheart.com

Today, the truth that i knew set me free. for a split second.... i nearrrrly got caught u know. Thank God for His still, small, yet very firm voice. I gave a different reaction that usual, turned around and laughed at the devil.. Gotcha! muahahah

Jesus the Cloud Maker

past few days have been filled with rough clouds.. really thick, sticky, slimy, yucky....rough ones!!!!

but like the old saying goes..

"Every cloud has a silver lining" its that lining that pulled me through..
in that lining.. there where things, places, people, events, little moments that have brought GREAT joy to my life.. while still stuck in the cloud. God's power was clearly controlling and sustaining everything single part of it.

Thank You Father, that You are my God, and I am Your heir and dearly loved child.

one day...my Prince will come..

at the moment, its that kind of feeling la..

what to do? Im just back from watching Enchanted

it was sooooper funny, and ultra romantic!

suddenly all those childhood memories, came flooding and crashing back to me! i remember watching Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella, Little Mermaid, Beauty & the Beast, Anastasia, Rapunzel etc etc etc...round ofter round, at least 15times EACH!!

Sleeping Beauty was so pretty with her long wavy red hair, and her off-shoulder dress, she look even prettier asleep!

Snow White was such a sweet thing, one call and all the animals would rush to her aid.. she even looked beautiful when she fainted after biting the poison apple.. Cinderella look all the more beatiful even in her rags. All these were princesses, if not in the natural, but definately one at heart. All of them longed for their 'Prince' or 'Knight in shining armour' to rescue them out of dire danger, sweep them off their feet, then ride into the sunset.. ahh.. how romantic!

But not Enchanted.. the riding off into the set took place right at the beginning of the movie! Hilarious! Prince Edward was going to marry Giselle the next day after they met! wwwwhat? ahaha "Tomorrow we shall wed...." he said. Yeap, these are what fairy tales are made off.. This one has a twist to it! amazing!

I remember through out the movie, there was a very warm feeling in my heart..a very cosy, brings-back-old-memories, fuzzy kind of feeling.. a feeling of being in love.. hahah i remember feeling that as a kid, everytime i watched one of those cartoons. It was always a happy ending. Most of the time, i would be so happy it made me cry.. and to my surprise.. i was teary-eyed at the end of Enchanted as well!

goshhh i guess that part of me never really grew up.. i secretly hope it wont =P

ahhh.. it was such a great movie.. wanna watch again! ahahaha anyone wanna watch again??

side-tracked.. then back on it again

just got my new cbox..ahah it feels fun =P

i wonder what happened that caused me to swerve a bit off track since tuesday.. i think a bit to much of McDreamy really isnt thaaat good for health. the same way too much McDonald's is bad for health too.. shall go slower the next round.

so much to talk and say...but my eyes cant take it any longer.. see you on saturday hopefully

long lonely drive home... in solitude with my Maker

i was wondering... since when i became so emo... emotional.. ahaha

maybe its the songs.. maybe its the rain rain rain... maybe its because im on holiday, too free and nothing to do..

i wish Uni has started.. i miss college..i miss my friends.. i miss HECTIC LIFESTYLE... i miss being bz.. maybe this time God's getting me lonely, to be with Him. to look at Him. off to dinner

the hebrew word Hosanna

7 They brought the colt to Jesus and put their coats on it; and He sat on it.
8 And many spread their coats on the road, and others spread leafy branches which they had cut from the fields.
9 Those who went in front and those who followed were shouting:"Hosanna! (E)BLESSED IS HE WHO COMES IN THE NAME OF THE LORD;
10 Blessed is the coming kingdom of our father David;Hosanna (F)in the highest!"
(Mark 11: 7-10)

Brooke Fraser was talking about how the Holy Spirit led her in writing the song Hosanna in the most recent Hillsong- Saviour King album. Hymns relate very much to her.. Shes continued saying that the core of the song is that the scene where when Jesus entered the village on a donkey, and the people laying down the palm leaves and coats before him. The song talks about- "Hosanna" the "eternal cry of praise" which were shouted and sung by the people who went before Jesus, (ie. the prophets of old, the many people whom God had revealed His plan of sending the Messiah, the One that would be sent to save Israel and the world), even the generation of people before us AND the people who followed after who are the generations to come.. These all will praise the name of Jesus.

This is the whole song:

I see the King of Glory
Coming down in clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes, the whole earth shakes
I see His love and mercy
Washing over all our sins
The people sing, the people sing

Chorus:
Hosanna! Hosanna! Hosanna in the Highest!
Hosanna! Hosanna! Hosanna in the Highest!

I see a generation
Rising up to take their their place
With selfless faith, with selfless faith
I see a new revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees

Many song writers have been going about this same line in many songs.. prophets have prophesised about the rising of this generation, taking up their places as armies in the Kingdom of God, soldiers who stand with God in the battle field, taking back the people into the Lord's family, these.... are people who are of selfless faith.. These are the people who followed after Jesus in Mark 11:9.

Bridge:
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything i am for Your Kingdom's cause
As i walk from earth into eternity

The bridge is very personal to me. As i asked God for revival in my cell group, for Him to do a great thing and move in the lives of my cell members, to teach them Himslef. I asked him to heal our hearts and make it clean before Him, to open up our eyes to the things of the Kingdom which we cannot see with our natural eyes, and show me how to love, like how He loved me.. and by this time. with tears streaming down.. ask Him to break our hearts, for everything wrong thing we did and horrible things that people do in this world that broke His. Giving my everything: time, money, petrol, family time, gifts and talents, strengths and weaknesses, everything i am for His Kingdom's cause...

It is a statement and a call- an eternal cry of praise that was sung by the generations years and years before us , and will continue to be sung by the rising generation till eternity.

This song has been speaking to me for months together. i was facinated by the significance of the meaning of the word "Hosanna" at first...Wikipedia states it as a Hebrew word meaning "Lord that saves" or "the Saviour God". God the Hero came to my rescue and saved me, from my sins.

Chorus: i got Saviour and He's living in me..Whoa! I wanna know, i wanna know You today!

this weekend has been a rather rough one.

for a certain period of time, i was bound and pressed spiritually on every side.. its nothing like i have felt before.. i was wondering, God, my walk with You hasnt failed, You seem quite near and and i can still hear from You quite well. But what's this sense of plunging emotional levels? Suddenly i couldnt think properly, no joy, cant understand pastor's message, and so tired after teaching the children.. that as soon as i rushed back home, i gave some weird excuse to turn down lunch, (altho i was really hungry, but no appetite to eat), and JUMPED into bed.. right before that i prayed: God, for some weird reason i dont feel right at all, i cant think right, i cant do anything right.. i think i need to shut down all my senses just for a little while, You come and repair me God, i need Your power to restore me.. urgently..! Amen. then, zzzzzzzzz

i woke up earlier than i had set my alarm for. i touched my forehead, then my eyes.. then i realized, i was FINE! i actually felt great! next thing i felt was...my stomach... growling in protest of being empty for so long.. haha i jumped up, headed for the kitchen to make my favourite cheese-egg ommelette wit bread..

i took the egg out, then turned back to the fridge to get the cheese when i heard this "crack..." then i turned and saw this:

oooops! i didnt see it roll down! faster took hand paper towels and cleaned it up.. and off to the back to make me sandwich..

then on, i was really really fully of joy.. felt a breakthru in the spirit!

in Revival Service... God spoke every so clearly about the things that im going thru and things that iv been talking to Him about. His Spirit put into Mine many confirmations and breakthrus in many areas.. God was htting Bulls-eyes in my life. Multiple breakthrus! One ofter the other.. as i talked to Him again about the things i have been telling Him before, one thing after the other, He in turn began responding and hitting precisely at the EXACT points!!! one after the other!!! its as tho scoring 100%!!

need time to get me thought together... till the next post>> Adios Amigoes!

randoms...

every single day of my holiday so far has been very very productive..
i had planned to work throughout these 2 months, but as a classmate reminded me that this kind of 'Verified' holidays might only come once in a lifetime! take ot or leave it~

yes. i took it. although technically there is not much cash input, but the Lord has blessed me thru many people, therefore allowing me to have a rather comfortable holiday, financially. This is a big bonus for me.. tEE Hee.. =P

it is indeed a long needed break. looking back. since the last day of my SPM years ago, iv never stopped for any breaks at all. got to work the very next day. after i resigned from BOCM, i ialso started Uni on the following monday. Rushed through a VV short semester with assignments and tests equavalent to a long sem, and here i am now. enjoying myself this holiday. what a great time it has been so far..

its so much fun, all the more because its the 'Year-End' season, where almost everyone is in the mood for holidays! ahaha me too! im so very relieved and enjoying and using every minute of this time to the fullest. at this point, im TOTALLY stress-free! free of the usual constant reminder ringing in my head "what do i have to study?", "do i have any pending assignments?", "what do i have to do next?", "what test do i need to study?"...

i actually do not have anything to study at all! Course Selection hasnt started yet. hehe this is sooo muchh funnn!

ahh yess.. CHRISTMAS PROJEKT...

im currently working on the foundational work of this projekt..

remember: its COMING SOON

À V e n i r : Christmas Projekt

Lord, You have my heart; and I will search for Yours

guys, gals, whoever... u've GOT to read this.. it talks about the fuel of passion of God for us, He longs to be with us. This is the kind of relationship, worship and sonship (daughter-ship) we are born to have with our Father. Dear Father, let this encourage and draw so many others into an even closer to You, my God, my Love. Amen.

Taken from Iris Ministries website, by Rolland Baker http://www.irismin.org/news/36.php

We are often asked what the overcoming key to our ministry and growth is. We don't think in terms of keys or secrets, but in the simplest truths of the Gospel. We have learned by experience that there is no way forward when pressed to our extremities but to sacrifice ourselves at every turn for His sake, knowing nothing but Jesus and Him crucified. We must die to live. It is better to give than to receive, and better to love than to be loved. We cannot lose, because we have a perfect Savior who is able to finish what He began in us, if we do not give up and throw away our faith.

In years past we did not think we could identify with Paul like this, but now we understand more of what he meant: "We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead" (2 Cor. 1:8-9).

Heidi and I get overwhelmed by our awareness that we are only jars of clay, very fragile and finite, capable of only giving out so much, and with very limited understanding and strength. But we have come to be encouraged by this very state of affairs, because God's power and glory will become obvious in our weakness: "But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing greatness of the power may be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body" (2 Cor. 4:7-10).


In Pemba we just started another three-month Bible school session with new student pastors from the bush, many of whom are barely aware of any Christian doctrine and still confused about so much. But three of them have already raised the dead and given their testimonies in class! The Holy Spirit is opening hearts and bringing in the harvest more than ever, in spite of our weaknesses. Our churches are monuments to the grace of God. We are asked how we keep them all together, organized and feeling like a unified family, but we can offer no adequate human explanation, in spite of all our efforts. We have learned that He is able to melt hearts and keep people connected in spirit by His own power, and build a hunger for the Savior that conquers every obstacle. This is His revival, His church, His display of glory, and He qualifies us to do His work.


What motivates us to keep going? What puts energy into our spirits when we run out of answers and resources? How do we stay patient and upbeat when the outlook seems bleak, yet again? Where does our power to live, serve and give come from? The question is important, because missionaries do get tired, discouraged and down. Christians of all kinds run out of motivation, no matter how much they have. Leaders with huge responsibilities lose their peace and joy. Ministries become more like businesses, and preachers more like sales managers. But what makes the Kingdom run? What is the fuel that fires us effortlessly? What is the real thing?
Every day we find out more of the answers to these most fundamental questions, and every day we learn that what used to motivate us is no longer enough. We are going higher, pressing on to what lies ahead. We keep learning what Jesus is interested in, and lose interest in what we used to pursue. And we learn that unless Jesus is interested in what we are pursuing, the going gets tougher than we can bear.


But, ha, there is a secret place, a hiding place, a lower place, a holy place that exceeds our dreams. It is not found in anything external and impersonal. It is not found simply in activity, sacrifice and dedication. It is not found in goals, projects, productions and progress. It is not found in finances and growth. It may be missed entirely even when preaching, teaching, training and discipling. It may be forgotten completely when evangelizing and praying for the sick. The greatest and most powerful gifts don't necessarily contain it. Even ministry to the poor may become an impersonal effort that misses that greatest and most intensely motivating creation of God, that supreme display of His glory: relationship!


Love is a gift of relationship, not just self-sacrifice. The secret place is not necessarily found in a prayer closet or a posture of soaking, or in battling for a just cause, or in a massive prayer and fasting effort. Even the most amazing miracles can leave us lonely and without relationship. We can run out of motivation advancing the most noble ideals and working at all levels to transform society. We can minister until we have no more strength, and still go home and lie in bed without the relationship for which our hearts are made.


Everything is okay with relationship. It is all that Jesus cares about, all that motivates Him. He could do many more amazing miracles and dazzle the world with His powers, but He is interested only in relationship. The entire creation, all the grandeur of the physical world, and all His works are designed to serve one thing: relationship. Revival has no content without it. Renewal and manifestations are pointless apart from it. Miracles only find their meaning in it. Joy is shallow and groundless unless rooted in it. Without relationship we are the living dead.
There is no pressure in genuine relationship. When it turns into work, it is gone and finished. It is effortless to maintain. It is not the goal of struggle, but the fire of life. It brings the utmost peace, and washes away all tension. It is the point of living, the substance of existence, the atmosphere of heaven. It motivates to heroic heights, bringing out our best. In relationship we know we are alive, we have arrived, we are satisfied. When we turn away from relationship to pursue anything else, we lose. We have no strength to give and love without it. It is a haven, a rock, a river of living water, the perfect source of motivation to keep going.


As our Perfect Savior, Jesus provides us with relationship. For this He died and rose again on our behalf. He provides not only His Word, His promises and His gifts, but also freely fills our lives with relationship in response to the desire He has put in our hearts. No guilt and condemnation can keep us from drinking in all the relationship with Him that we desire. Nothing in our past can block us. No attitudes in others can prevent us from tasting and seeing that He is good. And from this tree of life that is our Savior, we can branch out into more and more relationship with those all around us. He takes away our loneliness. In Him we end our search and find our destination.


So in this experience of revival in Africa, our values have been refined in the fires of pressure, opposition and disappointment. Thousands of churches and testimonies of supernatural power do not keep us motivated. Huge feeding projects are not enough for us. We need more of a goal than to target people groups and disciple followers. Education and development don't keep our hearts alive. Mobilizing world-wide support still falls short. Academic missiology lacks the energy that Africa needs.


No, our hearts must have perfect relationship, a perfect union between us and our Savior, in the Holy Spirit. We were never meant to be alone for a moment. Our whole motive is to live life and do everything together with our God, to take pleasure in His company always. Our power to live comes entirely from our satisfying relationship with Him, and to stay there is to stay in our own private revival that cannot be disturbed by anything else. Only when that relationship is golden, incandescent and pure enough do we have the power to delight in all that God has richly provided for us to enjoy.


Therefore in Him we do not pursue revival, but rather revival pursues us! Church growth and miracles pursue us. His presence pursues us. He Himself follows us, responds to us, and takes pleasure in making us happy, for we make Him happy. We care how He feels. We satisfy His longing. To stay close to Him is no effort, but a relief, a release, a door to freedom. To get a miracle is never the point, but in our relationship with Him miracles are a delight for Him to perform on our behalf. In fact, we cannot live without miracles, and in the normal Christian life we recognize that everything is a miracle, "for in him we live and move and have our being" (Acts 17:28).


Leprosy and AIDS are being healed by God in our churches in DRCongo. Our missionaries in Sudan are being caught up to heaven in visions while stationed in a most dangerous environment. Our Bible school students in South Africa are seeing waves of healing blow through a hospital when doctors and nurses are absent on strike. The dead continue to be raised, and the blind and deaf continue to see and hear, causing whole villages to come to Jesus at a time. The poor and abandoned are fed and taken into families. And yet we press on to the best yet in Him, in faith all the way, as always! There is a massive amount of suffering still in Africa, but we can deal with it only as our motivation is steady, sure and secure, located in the unbreakable bond between us and our God and Savior.


We love and thank all of you who join us and support us as you yourselves continue to drink along with us from this inexhaustible well of motivation. May His richness and and joy be yours beyond your wildest dreams as you comprehend more of His love for you each day. Continue to eat of Him and drink of Him to your heart's content until His will is done on earth, as it is in heaven.


Much, much love in Him, Rolland --

captivated in intimacy

yesterday i just had only of the most restful days in years.. woke up late, to take an over due library book to be returned back to Uni library. I actually got a 1st Reminder letter from Uni that was posted to my parent's home.. Yikes!! Get me a great big shocked and we had a great big laugh about it. Ofcoz not without getting fined, haha. =S

suppose to meet Moni in the afternoon but due to change of plans, i had a lovely dish of 叉烧鸭rice in Tmn Connaught. Then went to Tesco Ampang to get somethings for home. I think having Hypermarkets at the side of the highway is a BRILLIANT idea. It is the main factor causing me to choose to shop there.

Lazy KLites.. i didnt choose to be born here, but i guess God designed my "Get-it-done-as-quick-as-possible" and "Go-go-go" personality, chose the best place on earth for me. [i guessss>>> that God's second option woulde be Singapore.. i love the speed of walking of the people there (i fit in really well when i went there last year)]

On the way back, in setapak garden, i stopped by the road-side to get a bowl of Cendol made by the old Cendol man.. i really stopped just because of the pulut inside the cendol.. but it was SOLD OUT..AGAIN!! aiiyo uncle.. next time keep for me ok!! but the Cendol was still great without the pulut.. icy-cold santan, grean 'worms', and gula melaka... yummmm!

Reached home, and slept for the rest of the evening.. muuuahaha

A few things that i've been doing for the pass 1 month..

23-25 Nov: Final exams in Uni.. aihhh its a sad story.. i hope it doesnt pull down my overall marks too much.. i want all stars

25Nov after final paper: went to hair saloon outside Uni with Robin and Joan to get a cut and highlights (not highlited enufff!) it was a 'Happy Birthday to me' and 'Finals Are Over celebration'

27Nov: went with robin to 1U to get a dress.. stuck in jams all over town for a total of 4hours.. ohh my poor left leg.. rush to Bel's hse in sentul for D cell. fought with the guard for not letting me in.. at that point i was really so stressed and tired until feel like crying.. when reach Bel's door..my dear cell members didnt wanna let me in.. i really thought they were doing it on purpose u know... adoi PENGSAN! when they finally opened the door the lights were off, and somebody was carrying a bowl of rice with 3 candles stuck inside.. can you imagine what it looked like exactly..? you'd find it at the corner of a road.. offerings for 'Lost Souls'.. at that point i really didnt know what to say, think or do.

So happy and relieved. Then when i went to the toilet, they locked me in AGAIN! i was thinking "whaaat in thhhhhe world?!!?" i didnt even try to force open the door. when they opened it for me, again the lights were off and out came... a birthday cake.. spent the rest of the evening eating a great dinner prepared by my wonderfully talented cell members. Sfter that moni led us into worship and thankgiving to God for the Apostolic Programme and the pass year. As we broke into groups to pray and bless on another, i joined Luming and as we prayed i felt a very strong sense of bonding in my heart towards God and extremly thankful to Him for the amazing people He has out in my life.

Yes, especially people like Luming, Monica, ms.Catherine. Also people who i nv thought i would be so fren with..but now feel like im bonded to in the spirit, people like General Jacjac. In just a few minutes of prayer, all these people flashed across my mind, all i knew i should do was to wholeheartedly thank God for them, and ask God to bless them ever sooo richly in every aspect of their lives. i believe in my heart that God reveals to you the most important people in your life... i can have a thousand friends, but only a hand full of close friends. Praise God for them!

28 Oct: yea.. Happy Birthday to me..!! that day was extremly normal.. celebrated with Children's Cell children. Had a great lunch with my Uncle Joe, with Moni and meiling over as well.. wanted to treat them to some good mutton curry! had my FAVOURITE cheesecake!!! YOGURT CHEESE with rasberry toppings.. oohh sooo goood! and i wore my new girly dress.. was forced to actually.. haha.

evening, had a date with joanna and robin in leisure mall. suppose to go for movie "shoot em' up" but was late..actually technically we could have watched, but for some weird reason somehow they said that it was impossible..so we went shopping inside leisure mall. 1st stop! Salvation bookstore.. i grabbed the 1st book i saw! Supernatural Power of the Transformed Mind (someting i had been hunting for since August). But something in my heart told me that its not what i need to know or read for now. just not this one. so i decided to rely on the HS and see whats His opinion.

Thenn... then... my eyes swept to the next shelf and saw the book "Captivating" i tot.. isnt this the book either Luming or connie was toking about in cell the other day?.. immmediately my heart started to race.. yes..yES..YESS.. this is it. *GRAB* i also bot the Saviour King DVD.. also was hunting for it since the CD was out. then tried on a gown with joanna..for the sake of looking pretty, then put it back on the shelf and walk off.. ahah. my 1st time doing this.

then we started looking for food.they suggested Wong Kokbut i didnt really like the food there. Kimgary was better.. but dunno how i was persuaded in and took the stairs up to the 2nd floor. as i looked up, a whole stretch of people were seated & looking at me.. jason, bobby, justin, henry, jon, and xiao loong leslie.. aiyoo !! pengsan! it was a surprise dinner! i was speechless for about 2 minutes.. as i sat down they put a big box on the table wrapped with a lovely red ribbon. must be ms.Joanna's idea. they said to feel the box for something moving inside. that got me nervous! as i slooooowly opened it.. it was all crushed paper.. and...*trumpet sound* out came 3 big sesame stress friends: Elmo, Big Bird and Cookie Monster. yes guys, those are my 3 new friends at my car rear window.. with huge bulgy eyes and vibrant colours of red, yellow and blue. Thank you so much guys.. i was so so so so so touched! it was great enough having you all there with me.. btw, we had a complementary HUGE jar of 'Yin Yong'.. what a great experience.. will stay with me forever.

these are the most impactful days in october.. november happenings.. in the next blog>>

how deep is your love?

God has written the Romance not only on our hearts but all over the world around us. What we need is for Him to open up ears that we might recognize His voice calling to us, see his hand wooing us in the beauty that quickens our hearts.



Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean

Higher than any bird ever flew

Longer than there've been stars up in the heavens

I've been in love with you

Stronger than any mountain cathedral

Truer than any tree ever grew

Deeper than any forest primeral

I am in love with you

-Dan Forgelberg, "Longer"

What were the things that romanced your heart as a little girl?
Was it horses in a field? Was it the fragrance in the air after a rain? Was is a favourite book like Sweet Valley? The first snowfall of winter (oops...doesnt apply to us does it?) Those were all whispers from your Lover, notes sent to awaken your hearts longings. And as were journey into a ture intimacy with God as women, he often brings those things back into our lives, to remind us he was there, to heal and restore things that we're lost and stolen.

exerpt from Captivating- John & Stasi Eldredge

shoutout: to all girls, this is an amazing read. First half of the book has already changed the way i have lived in the pass 1 month.

mid week brain chill

sleeepy.. after lunch. i had rice with brinjal, kacang panjang, chicken curry gravy, and a sausage. Today ate at residential hall, got Su to teman me.. thanks Su.. =) i love the environment there, its not too quiet or noisy. Its air is cool, homely and very confortable. A great place to hang out.. I feel that its the most comfortable place compared to many other 'IN' places on campus.

Shall make it my secret hide out =P

Monday was Biz Comm presentation. It was quite OK. Glad it turned out good. After many sleepless nights and 4 hours a day sleep.. Rushing my management assignment and singlehandedly finishing the Biz Comm 'group' assignment.. I took a 1 and half day 'brain chill' to cool it down before the finals..

Have to start studiying tiday la.. or ELSE! Got 2 movie 'appointments' this week.. haha Bourne Ultimatum starring Matt Damon and Lust & Causion starring Wang LeeHom.. Looking forward!! =)

Finals starting on 23rd Oct- 25 oct.. yay! ends just before my birthday !! yeayeaH
must go celebrate!! haha.. go Camerons...? hmm see about it.

fun at the Peak with CF kakis

reminicing over every moment spent in genting with some CF friends.. It was sort of a last minute planned trip.. there was: joanna,cristy,me, sue ann, leslie, jonathan,leonard and robin! it was a great time of getting to know them in the most informal setting. seeing the way they really gear up each other's Gila-ness...makes me feel young again!!

not that im all thaaat old..but after being in a setting where i was the youngest among all my work colleagues, imprinted on my mind a certain kind of mindset.. i guess thats all over for now.. can put them aside for now.. yess.. it took me quite a while to get the past 1 year and 8months out of my head, and look forward to the GREAT GREAT things that lie ahead.

now..the genting trip

we had real great gila fun!! the friday night when we(me, christy,leslie,leonard & rob) reached, jon,joanna and sueann wer already there. got our bags in the room and headed out for some fresh air. we walked literally around the whole genting i suppose and took lots of fotos. at 1 point i remember thinking, "hmm..i just knew this people 2weeks ago.. how is it that i feel that iv known them forever??" thanks guys for making me feel belong and not 'lost' anymore.

at night a few of us stayed up until 3 watching Corps Bride..and enjoying ourselves taking fotos and video taping sleeping and snorning people.. they we actually snoring in harmony..!! kakaka.. leslie has it on tape.. for blackmailing purposes.. haha.. joking. only after we wer really tak tahan falling asleep..nono.. wen robin woke up saying that his back ached and was uncomfortable.. poor fella.. then only we decided to all go back to our places to get some proper rest..

we woke in the morning and woke the guys.. well, we forced them to wake up and ended in a pillow fight.. had some things to eat.. thank u robin for your salmon and crackers.. filled me up till noon~

for a start, we made a pretty bad choice in starting the day with the Flying Coaster and the ship.. too many things happened after that..if i wrote, i dont need my assignment d.. haha

here ar some pics to remember..

im getting work-sick again =_="

i just stumbled across some photos i took with my ex-colleagues at BOCM.. after looking thru them, i began to feel the same kind feeling i felt at the beginning of this month.. WORK SICK~

i miss my work, i miss my workstation, i miss the deafening sound of silence in GM's office, i miss Crystal, i miss GM, i miss elaine, i miss sayyee, i miss michelle, i miss jessie, i miss chery i miss fazrik, i miss ah ken, i miss mowmow, i miss Mr. Seet, i miss li hong

but what can i do?? at this moment..i can only remember. I only have memories...wonderful memories.. for any1 frm BOCM that happens to come across my blog, i love you and miss you so much!! so so so much =(

i still remember the time my manager Michelle came over to my place.. one look at her, and i was in tears.. she was a great boss! a mentor, a role model, a great example, a good friend, and fellow sister in Christ! i got to go to Cambodia for a mission trip with her.. n it was a great experience. part of God's plan being accomplished in my life. about Cambodia Mission trip.. ill blog about it another day..=P

opps..i just came across this power verse..when Moses was asking God to follow him

Exo 34:13

"Now therefore, I pray, if I have found grace in Your sight, show me now Your way, that I may know You, and that i may find grace in Your sight. And consider that this nation is Your people"

This reminds me of how i prayed last year when i was struggling in making some major decisions. and just like the next verse, its exactly what God replied..

Exo 34:14

"and He(God) said, "My Presence will go with you, and i will give you rest"

God I praise You! For who You are and for who i am made in You. My Saviour, Lover of my soul, Comforter, Redeemer, Restorer, my Friend, my Everything and my ALL.

this is grace gone deep

Night and day I seek Your face
Long for You in the secret place
All I want in this life
Is to truly know You more

As the waters cover the sea
So Your love covers me
Guiding me on
Roads unknown
I trust in You alone

My Saving Grace
My Endless Love
Deeper and deeper
Im falling in love with You
My One Desire
My Only Truth
Deeper and deeper im falling in love with You

And I with rise on wings of eagles
Soaring high above all my fears
I rest in Your open arms of love

-Saving Grace by Michelle Fragar, Hillings United Live Best Friend album 2000

Father God,
Yet again, I thank You for Your saving grace that pulled me through. Today during praise celebration, even while ps.Gloria was still preaching, I felt a huge sense of Thanksgiving. felt like my heart was in my throat! felt like standing up and prasing God while the message was still going on..!! this is not the 1st time i felt like this. But then i thought, ushers would escort me out.. hahaha nyway, although still sitting down, dunno y already started crying, like Holy Spirit was already ministering to me then and there, DONT NEED AN ALTAR CALL! Im finally out of the narrow place! im liberated! free! full of peace, thankfulness, totally in awe. When ps.Gloria said, when you are getting stuck, or already stuck, you feel that you cant move left, right, front or back.. people would go down.. But dont do it! the best thing to do is to look UP! i think back in the past 2 years, thats exactly what iv been doing! looking up! often getting neck ache also! (*joking)

God pulled me through! Im in my Promised Land now! UCSI seemed like an unreachable place 2 years ago. Its my promised land for 2 reasons:

1. to get my long awaited degree, something that nearly got out of my sight if it werent for God reminding me, that He promised that i would have it.
2. God mentioned that with the process of getting that degree, my mission was also to take the university for God. to cause transformation and a revolution in the campus. and He assured me that this couldnt happen if i did it alone. Therefore, encouraging me to join the local CF, spreading the wildfire of the Holy Spirit through the CF. He also told me o get prepared for signs and wonders, healings and deliverances happening in the campus through the CF! but ONLY if we believed God for it. ONLY IF we desired and looked to God for it, and not at our abilities and strengths.

Im still in the process of fitting in Uni. With exams and assignments pilling by the day, doing all this seems like climbing mountains. But then again, God pulled me through the alomost impossible before.. He's going to do it again! More powerfully, and so obviously that all.. ALL would see and know that God's hand is upon the campus. and that every believer and un-beliver in in His heart.

That's what is in God's heart

quotes from Joel Houston. again~

hehe couldnt resist the urge of quoting him here. its not so much of the person, but the amount of things that goes on inside the person. i wonderrrr and wonder how and how much God speaks to this person. and how much he in return has caught hold of God's every word, lives, drinks and feeds on it as though its the only means of food he has to survive.

and then, he pours it out into writing and melodies given by God Himself. This then brings out the raw and obsolute power of God whenit is sung and spoken out into the atmosphere. The praising, worshipping, proclaiming, and prophesying through these songs, has caused the heart of a listener like me, to be completely broken into pieces until i feel like that there nothing left.

Songs like: Take it all, From the inside out, None but Jesus (BrookeFraser),The Stand, Hallelujah, Lead me to the cross(BrookeFraser),Found, Hosanna, Never let me go, and Solution, even Take all of me(marty sampson), sing(Your love)(reuben morgan), and Forever(marty sampson). All these have transformed my life to where i am right now.

it was in worshipping with these songs, and ofcoz with the correct heart, i made it to the secret place. being broken time after time after time, surrendering many things wasnt easy. each time, it felt like a part of my heart was being torn away. in the process, God assured me and showed me that every part He takes away was actually bad parts. Things like wrong behaviours, wrong attitudes, complaints, wrongly set priorites, all were taken away one by one. Thats the hard part. God tears it away one by one, not all at one go. I used to ask God, wuldnt it be easier and less work for him and less painful for me if it all was settled at 1 go?

cant wait for the quotes. here goes..

on the plan of doing the I-Heart Revolution 08

"and besides, since when has this thing been in any way, shape or form reliant on whether WE could make it happen...NEVER.. and when did we start categorising ourselves with "every other artist"..??? the very nature of what we do is different.. this is way bigger than all of that.. and so, once again God got a chance to make himself known in our weakness.. we found ourselves falling once again on our need for Him to come through with the goods - and that's exactly where God wanted us to be.."

This experience of walking on water and relying on nothing else but plain faith is universal. Many times, almost everytime actually..id come to this stage and say "God, iv come so far, what next?" then really amazingly, the "next" happens right in front of you and you walk through it yet again.

"as soon as we started thinking and prayin about it - opening our hearts and eyes and ears to what God might be wanting to do.. it became screamingly obvious.. this thing was gonna be all out.. and that's how we approached it.. in every aspect.. everyone involved has given everything they have to making every element of this album everything it had to be.. and in the midst of it God became everything we desired for it..

yep.. it's different.. but it's still the sound of real people getting real with a real God... it's in the studio, but there's no fancy, fancy or over-indulgent production trickery.. we laboured to write the best songs we could.. not just lyrics bending around melody over a bed of instrumentation in a way that would "work in church"... but we chased hard after the heart of God.. searching and pursuing the right words.. pushing ourselves to find the right melodies.. not just playing our instruments.. but worshipping with them.."

it was a beautiful way of doing it.. just forgetting we'd pressed record at times.. and letting the song and the Spirit have their way..

it's about a selfless faith.. the call to love.. the pursuit of justice and helping others.. the hope and freedom we have in Christ.. and the truth of the gospel in a world that is searching.."

i wake up every morning, and remind myself of my role to play for that day. That im not in this alone coz He is with me. Id lay hands and He'd heal, Id pray and He'd answer that prayer, I'd command and He'd cast out the evil spirits, I'd proclaim His name and He'd show up, I'd go evangelism and He'd speak and touch the heart of the seeker. Reminding myself moment by moment, I want to be good hand and good feet for God.

asssignments GALORE in the narrow place.. Gliterry but NOT glamourous

just finished my second mid-term paper. one more to go next week. then its... prepare for Finals!!

actually i can hardly believe everything thats been happening. Entering 4th week of my Uni life and already stressing about deadlines and finals. ahahah i guess this is what is expected of a short sem.. assignments are like mountains. tall, wide and steep. must start moving them.

thanks to a few entertainers, i just had a good laugh. Someone's chatbox converted into war zone.. Blog owner also innocently kena shot.

i just bought some hair dye.. mite dye my hair. But when i brought the box home, realize that its actually quite dark also, colour might not come out.. see how.

Choky-Choky, 1 is enough =)

tired. =P in cell group the other we were talking about what we do when we feel sad, stressed or just feel down.. some go shopping, eating, to go sleep, isolate themselves in the room, buy small but expensive things, go out with friends, or just laze around at home.. hahah mine was to get an EXPENSIVE branded blended drink.. it must be expensive and branded and something made out of coffee.. and perhaps.. something else thats small, smells good, branded and expensive as well teeHEee.. people who know me well enuff could guess this.

although we all know that this must never be someting we resort to when emotions get knocked off balance when things dont go the way we should, we're still aware that being human, its just natural.. and being girls, its EVEN more natural..rite rite?

i just had a really bad start to the day.. its funny how when you see something that reminds you about things that has happened years ago, can still affect you and bring all those emotions back.. as though it just happened yesterday. i was driving to a memorial service this morning, when as soon as i drove out my house lane, i saw an ambulance parked outside a distant neighbour's house. I slowed down too see and right enough, the vehicle was there to take away a dead person. My thoughts flashed back to 2 years a go when the same ambulance was outside my house, waiting to take my grandpa away. The time it took for the thing to actually arrive was agonising. I remember i was in a state of being completely lost in thoughts, didnt know what to think about. At one moment he was there looking up at me, as i turned my head then back again at him, he was gone. Just in a split second. I wonder if thats really how its going to be when Jesus comes back to get us. The bibke says that we'll be gone in a blink of an eye. and thats exactly how it was. He just might have been the first person that saw me when i was born; and i was the last person he saw before God took him back. The final gaze.. meant so much. At that very moment, it felt shattering, painful beyond words. He was one of the most important people in my life. Even now, after nearly 2 years, i still get choked up thinking about that last gaze. People who never saw it, could never feel it, and wpould never be able to understand how it feels. I feel privileged and honoured. Certainly re-living the moment can often be not such a good thing, but it does remind you of your priorities in life, brings you back to your roots, and propels you to into the future.

I want to live the life my grandpa had lived. Full of dignity, strength, confidence, kindness, goodness, generosity, love and integrity. No, i want to live it even better. The kind of standard God has for me. Everything I am, for His kingdom's cause.

My cell leader often conforted me in saying that, it's ok to still be sad and feel at loss, even after many years. But that softness and vuneribility must bring out the best in you. It must cause you to get up and move on. I've moved on with God. But still learning and still letting go of many things. As someone wrote, surrendering is never as easy doing it only once. It takes place everytime we come into God's presence. Im very down today, but its ok.

I bought a packet of Choky-Choky this morning. and promised myself to stop crying after i finished 1 Choky-Choky. Then I move on with God and....

how easy is it to believe in the supernatural? If God is not the Lord of lords, He's not God at all

too many things have been happening in the past 2 weeks. its ok, is all good things.

i remember in my last post or something i mentioned about my head getting stuck in the 'clouds', feeling airheaded and the likes. It all happened after the alter call 2 sundays ago. i was enlightened to a very profound revelation of the Great Commission in my own life. was given a vision very dear to me by God about His glory. The whole experience itself, being filled entirely, every part, every inch, every cell of my body with God's very own spirit. It was the secret place. I was defying gravitiy in the secret place.

then again. this all sounds very unreal to many others. uncomprehendable.. what more to experience it?

i think if you were to ask a person on the street, what he thinks about the supernatural? he would definately talk about evil spirits, ghosts, toyols, pontianak, their dead ancestors, and the likes. the list really doesnt end.

BUT

what about God?

then. THEN.. they will say that dont believe in such things.. that God is a concept or something generated by the minds of few over enthusiastic people groups who call themselves Christians.

if He is really as limited as a concept, then what about the mind-blowing, unthinkable things He's done? Dying for undeserving, disobedient mankind? Mankind who traded their God-given lives, and chose the lesser portion the devil had to offer.

what other bizarre stuff had He done? Things that were SEEN WITH OUR VERY EYES!
Heal terminal diseases, cancers?
Rebuild and restore lives broken by anguish, deep sorrow and humanly unforgivable crimes?
Renewing the minds of the worst crimanls, addicts, sexual perverts, people with animal desires, homosexuals?
Saving people who brought for themselves unthinkable huge financial debts?
how? WHY?

what my small brain can make out of this is that- This is a God. Humans arent even as close to Him.

Going back to spirits. what have evil spirit done to save us?
3D figures to strike the jackpot?
moving 50sen coins around when u ask them to?
spooking and tormenting children out of their beds? and later to cause them fear for the rest of their lives
stealing peace, kill off joy and destroying hope in peoples lives?
People whom God made for Himself to love in the first place!!!

mahnn thinking about this really frusts me up.

i feel really really REALLY bad not being able to tell this to so many people that i love so dearly in my life. people who have grown up with me, seen me through thick and thin, and will forever be friends no matter what.

what iv made out of these pass few weeks of a deep feelings of sadness, constantly bothering me. i havent been able to eat well, sleep well or stay awake well enough. this love is painful, heavy and probably would burst open a heart if left ignored. exaggerating? its no joke.

i will talk about this love. shout & scream about it if i need to. i maybe ignored, laughed at, boycotted, given a cold shoulder, cut away from long friendships, being thought of as a freak. but its ok. i rather get this love note out and save a life from hell than to suffer guilt of not doing anything about it.

THIS is what i want to talk about. This is the lyrics from the song The Stand by Joel Houston> Hillsongs United. it speaks my heart and the all the noise that has been going on in my head, of what God had done for me and to me when i said this to Him. This changed my life.

You stood before creation
Forever within Your hand
You spoke all life into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon
Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
And what could I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I’ll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

The thing of surrendering your soul -mind & emotions to God is that, HE takes it pours into it His amazing love, grace, hope, and His very own life. Then gives it back to you to go and touch another. We then walk around like little containers filled so full with love we cannot control but to spill it into lives around us.

This is my prayer for you who have not experienced of even never heard of all this before.

Dear Father,
I thank You for dying for and forgiving us- undeserving and often ungrateful children. I finally understand how much You love us and want to have a real relationship with us, which was Your plan from the very beginning. You call us by name. I realize that sin- the uncountable wrong things we've done, and even the right things that we didnt do, have separated us from You. Because You are a Holy God and cannot tolerate what is not good. I believe that You loved us so much, that You stepped down from Your throne unto earth just to die to save us personally from eternal separation from You. You couldnt bare to let us go. I invite You into my life to be my God and Saviour. I want to experience You in a way so real that no one could deny Your existence. Make me the kind of person that You want me to be. Your child, heir,.. dearly loved, richly blessed, and powerfully anointed by You. Come dear God, i want to know You. By faith i believe that You are with me. In Jesus name in pray and thank You dear God.

wifi at Uni

cool.. managed to confugure the wifi settings properly. and now im online in library. the speed is a real relief compared to dialling up at home. haha i actually managed to watch Brooke Frasers' mtv of Deciphering Me on YouTube. This is a wonderrrr.

I wonder why lecturers end their classes so way ahead of time? every 2 and 3 hours is cut short to 1. My 8-11am class ended at 9.15.. hmm.. doesnt feel right.

Maybe cause iv got my expectations of many things too high. Like what lihan said, people who have been there and have done all those things hands on, who feel a lil out of place when put in a position were you do nothing except sit and listen. I cant find any questions to ask that is inline with the topic. Because what i want to ask is not taught yet..=P

Im desperate to find someone who i can get into deep conversation with about many topics. Someone who is on the same frequency and level.. i miss debating with Mr. Seet and Han about ridiculous government politics. Talking to Is and Ah Lek about football matches and how we all dream of being football commentaries. Say Yee-my colleague called me yesterday, to ask about some miss placed stuff at office, and how im doing here. When i heard her voice when i answered the call.. mahnn. felt like crying. Shes on of those that i miss the most!! i miss elaine, lihong, michelle, jessie, ah lek, ken, tracy, chery, kelvin, crystal, seow huan, ms.Cho, yvonne, chooiping, jLo, fee yen, kingkong, mrSeet, mowmow..aihh too many people. and its just been a week since i left BOC..

goodness! im work sick! so work sick!

aihh now it think..working is so fun.. fun fun fun.. n not a milisecond is wasted. Now in Uni i feel like.. ohnoo there goes my precious time of in-betweens.. i shall enrich myself and occupy my whole brain by starting my assignments now.. then try to hand in well before the due date.

anyway.. this shall be my motto for the whole period..and a loong long time to come.

I am

Deeply loved

Richly blessed

Highly favoured and

Powerfully anointed by God.

I wonder what their CF is like.. will see tomoro =)

woaahh woahh.. God be the solution!!

oh boy~~ *big sigh*


im tired.. tired of thinking too much about things that obviously are purposeless.. anxiety, uncertainty of the next step, of the future.. aihh it has taken up too much space in my brain. CANNOT! just cannot go on. lets stop it now.

then, just the right word came at the right time. Thanks Holy Spirit ;)
Romans 8
vs5 for those who lived according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the spirit, the things of the spirit.

vs6 for to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.

vs8 so then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God. (OUCH!!! okok)

vs9 but you are NOT in the flesh but in THE SPIRIT, if INDEED THE SPIRIT OF GOD DWELLS IN YOU!! (knock knock.. Holy Spirit in hereee..) now, if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His. (aiyoo.. terasa =_=)

vs10 and if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness.

then.. the best part..

vs15 for as many as are led by the spirit of God, THESE (only theeeezzz) are the sons of God. (daughters also) vs 17 and if children, then heirs- hiers of God and joint heirs with Christ..

ahh..!! dear Father God.. You dont speak so softly afterall huhh..

id be a useless heir if i dont realize that im an heir and live like an heir.. theres surely more to life than this.

This..THIS..! is my solution..to all the loud voices of worries and anxieties in my head for the past 10days.. This light of Your Word has shined on these darks area in my head.. and exposed them!! LEaving the 'upper room' totally lighted and liberated! Its Illuminated.

Tell u.. its in THESE times..really, when His strength is made perfect in our obvious weaknesses. How much more real can You be God. Always right beside me, prooving me wrong.

As David said in his Psalms 73:26

"My flesh and my heart fail, but God is the strength(rock) of my heart and my portion forever."

God lets illuminate the world together. starting from people around me, my Uni, my friends.. Togederr gederr ok? ;)

my 2nd day at UNi..

this is an experience far beyond comprehendable..i was driving to Uni for the second day of orientation.. talking to God.. and realized that everything that im in now.. my car, the Uni im going to.. are all miracles in my life. Many months back..these werent even possible to exist now.. as in.. there were no signs of these things ever existing in my life. My last job at BOC.. the experience was even more unthinkable than the unthinkable.. better not think to much..

my 1st day was.. hmm.. really..very... interesting.. we had briefings throughout the day on many uninteresting but important issues. Course selection was rather messy tho.. the subjects offered had clashes... aihh bit sien.. im nervous like nuts about the subjects then there clashes.. but it worked out ok today.. played a step on the balloon game organized by the student council. iv met a comfortable amount of coursemates..so thats a relieve.. something funny..

we went to look for our head of school who was absent ytd.. (drove us all franctic due to lack of guidance) for him to approve our subjects.. wen we entered his room.. 1 thing struck me was that, he was rather young and had this permanant worried/tensed/confused look on his face.. that really seems like impossible to wipe off.. he looked so stressed , confused and tensed throughout our discussion.. i was really tempted to ask him "Mr.X, are u ok?, u need some water?" but then again..rather not put my reputation on the head of school's line on the 2nd day of Uni..if not..

Was talking to God again the other day.. wondering.. God u favoured me so so so much in BOC, in every aspect. How about the same amount of favour here? wouldnt that be great? or double amount? yes, i want to do Your business 1st, then all of it will be mine as well rite? ok. got it.

tomorrow there's...uhh.. Intro to Management and Organisional Theory.. aihh wonder what that's all about..

anyway.. Big change people..Big change.. Im still stuck in reality and unbelief.. and stuck in the clouds as well.. thats anther serious story..

when grace goes deep.

These are extracts from Max Lucado's book- Come Thirsty.

Its enlightening in the sense that, we often feel dry, know that we are thirsty, but dont know what to do about the thirst. Some even can't identify the reason they thirst. and go on being dehydrated. Iv been there too. Dehydrated but not drinking. Physically AND spiritually. But this stands out in my life that i am very grateful for: I dont really have great difficulty coming back to God. Not taking his grace for granted, but, the kind of person that i am, i often, as in very very often need God's assurance that He is there, with me every moment of the day. Therefore, i know that He is never far away. and even if i feel that He is far, this fact remains: God never moves, I have.

= Too many tasks. Keeping the robe spotless, the ring positioned, the sandals snug- who could meet such standards? Gift preservation begins to wear the young man. He avoids the Father he feels He cant please. He quits wearing the gifts he cant maintain..=

This passage struck me instantly. As i was talking to jiarong about some difficulties i faced in ministry and in serving, he reminded me that this is what happends when we rely on our own strength. In the midst of all the preparations and getting things in order, i missed the 1 important aspect of ministry: Its not ny might, nor by power, but by God's spirit. I thank God for these friends. For talking to me, through them.

Who determines your identity? What defines you? The day you were dropped? Or the day you were carried to the King's table?

I feel that this is the ultimate expression of Grace. Unearned and undeserved favour from our Father.

John Oxenham wrote in 1913:

GOD'S HANDWRITING

He writes in characters too grand
For our short sight to understand
We catch but broken stokes, and try
to fathom all the mystery
of withered hopes, of death, of life,
the endless war, the useless strive-
But there, with larger, clearer sight,
We shall see this0 His way was right.

God i thank You. For grace. For favour. For mercy. For Hope. and for a future. Amen.

iv found a place > caught in open arms

My mondays are always fun, sunny, and almost never blue. But today didnt feel like my average monday. It was gloomy, blue, and not fun. tsk*need a tissue.

Its because the moment i woke up, i realized that its the last monday i will be working at BOCM.. a place where blessing, favour, and grace was poured out, overflowing my life. A place of promise, where God spoke so deeply and clearly about each of my next steps. I found Hope, a Vision and I learned to dream dreams with God. I have learned about getting up shamelessly, boldly and with integrity from every fall, and discovered the power of the strength God gave me to move on with Him. He taught me how to love deeply and selflessly. He revealed to me what i am capable of doing if i held on and never let go. He taugth me to forgive and made clear that it was also possible for me to forget, though the world says that "You're forgiven but not forgotten". I learned the art and the heart of worship and surrender. I discovered the meaning of intimacy and how it changed and turned around many values that i thought was right.




i discovered what was on God's heart. His children, are the center of His life. As i began to realize how much we occupy God's heart and how much He wants to do for us, it changed my striving into peace, my doubts into trust, my fear into bold obedience. It enabled me to enter His rest.


As for now, i overflow with blessings, favour, and joy. Although not terribly anticipating this change, but... deep down, i know that it'll bring out the best things in me. and i know that even in this change, He is with me.

we dont need wings to be Angels

aikkss im scratching like an icthy monkey...~~
right in the middle of watching the Da Vincci Code on telly, the power went of, leaving 4 enthusiastic eyes that were stuck on the TV now into total darkness... altogther we went " Aiyoooooo, apala??!!" hahaha with one voice, sounded pretty cool

then one by one, each left to their own stuff, leaving me, still, staring into space.. then i thought.. ohhh this wud be a good time to retreat to my 'secret place'..haha not so secret anyway

spent the nex hour reading blog, being encouraged and built up inspiring things written by inspring people who were inspired by an inspiring God...

i came across this picture the other day, when i was searching for a picture to explain to dawson how to make the blog header. Its called "Illuminate" and this was written below the pic

"We are here in this world to remember who we are, a path few dare to follow to its logical conclusion. This photograph, which was taken in the basement of an ancient castle near Rome, Italy, serves to remind us of our One purpose. When we transcend our limitations, let go of our past, face our fears, and live a life of unselfish love, the One Light has no choice but to fill our entire beings."

God I pray that I will be, that we will be a people that not just talk about this Light, but to talk, act and live with the Light in our lives. That wherever we go, we will be light walking torches, carriying Your light, puncturing every darkness that ever exists here on earth and in the dark places in the hearts on mankind. We want to be good hands and feet for You. =)

pink, white, cream, purple, red and orange flying balloons*** Blessed Beyond Measure

haha heres some pics of what i wore to my recent company dinner.. hehe so like it very much!

now i have 2 cheong sams, few sarees.. now need a kebaya! i bought the cloth for kebaya 4years ago.. but never got to get it sewn.. maybe next year~

hehe this got me to the top 10 best dressed on saturday night.. hahah

Talking about saturday night.. wHaT a nIGhT it was!!! although it not oni got me a sore back by standing and MC-ing the whole night..but also many many memories accumulated from the pass 18 months in BOCM.. all passed through my mind one by one, as i sat down at 11pm to eat my cold dinner. it was freaaaaking tiring.. but when i sat down, sipping my cold 'hot tong sui', i just looked around.. all the beautiful smiling faces.. all of whom i can proudly say that i know very well.. the next thing was.. mahnn.. im going to really really REALLY miss these ppl.. REALLY, and DEARLY.

This will be my last month in BOCM..then its off to UCSI. this period of time has been a nerrrve wrecking experience.. iv never been sooo nervous since.. taking my A-levels results 3 years ago.. heheh. and before leaving this wonderful place.. i was also blessed from my God above with a BIG SUM of prizes... * wont disclose it here*.. one of the most in the whole company. Then again.. my Father's on the 2nd floor is a cool and rich man.

Then about this outfit.. i just thought of having some fun and enjoying myself before embarking on yet another long journey. mana tau enter Best Dressed right? ahaha OUr theme for the night was mainly shades of red and purple. so my Saree has red, pink, pinkish-purple, purple and blue on it. it was love at first sight for that one.

Now on.. im counting down the days to my last day at BOCM... how time flies.. 18 days.. oh no..minus the sats and suns.. makes it.. 14 days!!!!!! WHAAAAAT!? aihh.. sooo sad...

who wants to bet that i will cry on my last day?

Jesus would have a goooood laugh. but HE made me this way =P

aihh one more sad case.. i forgot to take my camera to the dinner!!! ishhhhh ishhh

so the rest of the beautiful fotos are with my colleagues.. aihh take from them later.. haha

revolution According to Joel

This is an exerpt of an interview of Joel Houston. How he defines worship and how he how he gives God his worth-ship by loving God and people.

Joel:
My revelation of worship is outwards. If we're truly a worship band, I feel that we need to communicate both: we need to write songs that glorify God lyrically, but also write songs that glorify God in the way we live our lives.

People talk about this worship revolution that's occurred over the last ten years focusing only on worshiping God in song. Coming out of that season, I think the testimony is that we'll be judged by how the church lived as far as becoming the hands and feet of Jesus and helping those in need. That's a revelation that's been real strong for our church.
What we do in song is a reflection of where experiencing at home.

















On the I-Heart Revolution :

Joel:
The whole message is really about turning our back on individualism and not living self-focused lives. We're looking at how that's relevant to every context and every culture. How worship and justice relate to kids in South America, or how worship and justice relate to kids here in the United States. The movement aspect of it is putting together resources for local churches and young people to do things that are really simple, yet really big. In a nutshell, it's helping people that need to be helped—local focus, global impact.

I think it's the greatest challenge for our generation.

My revelation of worship is "Love God, love people." That's giving of yourself, being obedient, sacrifice. That is the very opposite of individualism, the opposite of getting caught up in yourself. The number one tool of the enemy is to create a church of Christians that is happy, complacent, and content. "Great service, I had a great time, I enjoyed the music." That's Christianity to a lot of people.
Everything in our culture is about the individual.

But if young people were to understand that our faith walk is a daily decision to make those sacrifices—if we understand it and we can live it, then the church would be what it was truly called to be.

http://www.theiheartrevolution.com/

Joel talks irony in his message on this webbie:

"I don't know about you.. but if our generation is remembered for ipods, myspace, and youtube we missed it.. if history speaks of our generation as self indulgent pioneers of the digital age, reality television and purpose built celebrity we'll have failed.. the world will change by itself.. for better or for worse.. it changes daily.. but who will be the ones to shape it.. and how will it look?

in and of itself revolution is neither good or bad.. revolution represents change.. a shift in culture.. History is marked by revolutions.. social and political.. some have represented victory, freedom and justice, however on the flip-side.. too many have become infamous representations of despair, oppression and injustice.. all it takes for evil to prosper is for good men to do nothing.. for the church – the hands and feet of Jesus and His plan for the salvation of this big, broken sphere of dirt, water and life we temporarily call home, this has never sounded with more urgency..

it's time for a revolution.. fuelled by a dissatisfaction with self-centred living and complacent faith.. driven by a desire for truth, love and justice..that's what this is all about…

every generation needs a revolution.. and this one needs to look, sound, walk and breathe like love..

Love God.. love people.. that's it.. that's the revolution.. revolutionary I know.. but if we understand what that means.. if we get it.. if we establish in our thinking how that looks.. and we start living it.. we will change the world.. it's not so much about the big stuff.. it's just about the stuff.. it's about the people in the places being the answer - in the places.. and together; becoming the answer to the big stuff.. it's about your backyard.. it's about my backyard..

it's the fundamental call of what it means to be a follower of Christ.. "

to stop to think, and really wonder what if our only lifetime, starts and ends just here on earth. and after that, non-existence. what would i live for? what would i love and fight for?

a hard fact states that, many people do take this literally, and that's all they know. another hard fact is that this world is lead by many of these people. and in the very VERY near future, US. the ones with the ipods plugged in our ears, the latest Sony 5510i in our hands and laptops on our laps since we were born. how would these kind of walking and talking gadjets shape this world??

as mentioned above. we NEEED a Revolution. badly. History is marked by revolution. social..political.. all have brought out what people, communities and countries are today. and those that have lead to infamous representations of despair, oppression and injustice, all it took is for evil to prosper and for good men to do nothing.

good men? so much for them. but look at ourselves. what do we consider ourselves? and what are the results of our action or inaction so far? as far as we have come? this is to consider.

deep down, i have made a commitment to be a part of this revolution. to be God's answer in my place for the people i can and touch. and make sure that it looks, sounds, walks and breathes like love. God's very own love.

i also consider myself a disciple. that means i have to look, sound, walk and breathe like one. sounds like an uphill crawl or upstream paddling? then, that's what grace is for. and THAT's whats so amazing about it. it not only pulls you through, it causes you to reach those heights you never ever dreamed of.

haha

the bible says that its enough for us and that our Father's strength would be made perfect in our weaknesses.

This very heart You have shaped for Your pleasure, purposed to life Your name high. I thank You dear, dear Lord.

My Answer is You

There's a world of difference when faith is in a heart
It stands out like sunlight
Life becomes so dark
And when those around me ask me why I dream
Or why I love or why I sing
My Answer is You My Answer is You
You're the hope that my heart keeps holding on to
Skeptics won't understand
It's strange from world's point of view
My Answer is You

They might find it incredible to believe what I can't see
They might think its foolish
Or even say its weak
I want to live life so differently because of faith
If it causes them to question, for me to say
My Answer is You
Its strange from the world's point of view
But my answer is plain and it's simple, Lord



I wish to hear You praying in the garden alone
Laying down Your will with each tear
To see You walk that lonely road
Willing to die for me

You're the reason I'm alive
For every good thing in my life

My Answer is You.