Tuesday, November 16, 2004

The bad.The good.& what God thinks about it.

havent been here in some time.. lots of stuff have been happening in the pass 1 week.. confusing, dissapointing, saddening, worriying, discouaging...gotla those that are weirdly interesting,mind boggling, fulfilling,out of this world, crappy, edifiying and most of all mind-changing.
It all started at the started of the Deepa-Raya celebrations collaborating with a fund raiser for poor kids in Sudan.Honestly, i wasnt being myself for a whole 2/3 weeks & started to grow freaking tired and bored of living life like a total rutein..& when things dont go the way i planned...things unplanned comin up...people who dont act the way they shud... people who in a way dey shudnt... and the list will never end. Also started speaking and crapping like never before..& getting aggitated & freaking irritated whenever a lil thing seemed out of place.
People around me have indeed felt,sensed, and pointed it out..What went wrong?
Someone quoted: When you feel like God seems further away, guess who moved?
How many times of recomitting myself back to God do i need to get myself right? Suddenly..surrending myself at the altar ..wanting so desperately to be broken and tansformed...didnt do much good.. Or did i do wholeheatedly..or just selfishly wanting a change ?..just to feel better.
But..u see.I know whats wrong and why its going wrong.. I also know exactly what to do...but just too lazy to do it.. Is there such a thing as a Mental Honeymoon..?

At the end of it..is there any other way other than Gods very own spoken words to turn to..? Iv 4gotten..4 a period of time..that I ..MESELF actually had a living God living rite inside of me..
Jesus says that we shoud speak to the situation, not about them..
Iv also underestimated the power of spoken words,speech and idle talk.. Wait!~ Didnt i make a committment 2 put that away long ago.. cant believe it slowly..veeery slowly..crept back in..like a thief in the night..
Coz whatever we say can either MAKE or BREAK the atmosphere...
hahah lookin back... how much of time,energy,& brains iv wasted worriying,thinking too hard on worthtless things..
But on the brighter side of it, i wudnt have known what were my weakest points..n wer n how that devil slipped in..
Ps.Kenneth reminded me. WE are the atmosphere builders.WE change situations around. Also..
The essence of leadeship: Seek to understand.Then, to be understood.

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