A more interesting title for my heart's content =P

The title is titled the way its titled because it was a suggestion from a dear friend to make it sound more catchy.. lol..

Finally.. my heart's content: (its kinda long, but important. so do read till the end =P )

If to distant lands i scatter
If i sail to farthest seas
Would you find and firm and gather
'till i only dwell in Thee

If i flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
'till i only dwell in Thee

If my heart has one amibtion
If my soul one goal to seek
This my solitary vision
'till i only dwell in Thee
That i only dwell in Thee
'till i ONLY DWELL THEE...!




This is my long awaited serious blog..
After all that was said and done, today the fruits are growing and showing.
After spending pieces of quality time with God, reflecting on the past months and past years.. i only have one thing to say: Thank you Jesus for everyone and everything.

Past few months had been very hard on me, but not as hard as it was on the closest darlings around me. I think it has been the hardest times of our lives! But the fact that we're still moving and breathing, proves that we are made to be much more tougher, stronger and wiser to go through everything and yet come out.. maybe burnt a bit by the 'fire', but still alive and well. (All of) You will be fine, just hang on to the ultimate Anchor and Rock.

Some have experienced a great 'loss', but i want them to know that it is nothing but the largest gain. Some lived their lives so well, and is ours to learn from... All that they were and did was for us to see and to know where their inspiration came from. Pain and grief are real to feel, but its the details in the fine print of their lives that we extract into our own that makes us stronger than we have ever been.

Some were hit by waves of confusion, indefinite situations, sleepless, pillows-soaked-wet-by-tears nights.. wondering and sometimes even to the exent of nearly getting drowned by those huge cruel waves. They seemed never ending, and you felt like you would NEVER make it out alive. But now they could step outside and began to see the bigger picture, and realize that its not so overwhelming afterall.. We can expect that people do change over time, and we cannot control them. However, we can gracefully release them to do what they want. It's our greatest gift to them and to ourselves. Now you can look back and see that it is good, and most of all, God is good.

Some have tasted and seen that God is good. They have experienced so much of Him in such short time. Honestly, i dont envy but admire them, and can't help but think that God may have been a little unfair =P But this is who God is.. not unfair =P.. but good. The past years had indeed been hard and uncertain, and even very much painful and aimless too. But if only they let Him be who He is in their lives. Expect God to show up to guide (not control) your every decision, plan and dream.. and knowww that He is what all of us say He is.. He is good. None of their lives can ever, EVER be the same again.

Some have loved much, and got hurt just as much. But they did the right thing.. they had LOVED. But to love also means risking getting hurt. We can't deny this wonderful package we have. Altho we dont expect hurt to get hurt, it still just might attack unnoticed and unintended. One thing is for sure, they should not regret the amount of time, emotions, expectations they had on people. They were only human. But do know that all that they have done, loving and all.. is accounted for. Love may not be returned by the people they show love to, but it WILL come back to them, from unexpected sources.. Moving on to greater heights takes much courage as it also means going into the unknown. What's going to happen to them next? Are they going to love and be disappointed yet again? Maybe, but if you loved, then you have lived. Period. Remember the greatest of faith, hope and love, is still LOVE.

As for me..
i have but one thing to say to sum it all.

Everything happens for a reason. The people around me, what they are to me is for a reason. NOTHING is coincidence or accident. I look back on the ugly times, how cruel, how unfair, how much anguish it has caused, heart-breaking events, soul & hope-killing moments. Why must it happen to us? honestly, till now i still don't know. How nice it would be for all of us to go through life smoothly sailing on our favourite personal yatch? When everyday is Friday or Christmas or Valentines day or Chinese NEw YEar(i heart dry pork)or Easter?

But i have realized that there will be days like May 13, Good friday, September 11, the day my grandpa passed away, the day people break up with their bf/gf, or the last day a man and woman goes through before they are called Divorsees the next day. How cruel is this? How cruel people can be to each other? How heartless can you be to me?

haha.. and how sad can Solomon in Ecclesiastes 1:18 be??
(vs 18) And i set my heart to know wisdom and to know madness and folly. I perceived that this is also grasping in the wind.
(vs19) For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases in sorrow." FOR WHAT? better not be wise, when you know sorrow is gonna follow you right???
(vs 15) So i said in my heart "As it happends to the FOOL (stupids), It also happeneds to me, and why was i then more wise? (terrible!)"
(vs 16) for there is no more remembrance of the wise than of a fool forever, since all that now is, will be forgotten in the days to come. And how does a wise man die? The same way as a fool!

So why on earth do we even care about doing the right things or living to the fullest? When everything is going to waste anyway?? However wise you are, fact is, you are gonna die the same way as the stupidest person you know.

Soloman also warns us that as you enjoy to live many years, and rejoice in all of them, yet.. do remember the days of darkness, for they will be many..all that is coming is wasteful! (Ecc 11:8)

pause.. this is depressing.

but King Solomon being the wisest man on earth.. ending all this crapping and complaining about life with this:

(Ecc 11:9-10) Young people, it's wonderful to be young! Enjoy every minute of it! Do all you want to; take in everything, but realize that you must account to God for everything you do. So banish grief and pain, but remember that youth, with all the years before it, can make serious mistakes.
and then he ended his complaining by Eccle 12:13 " Here is my final conclusion: honour and respect God and obey his commandments, for this is the entire duty of man."

After complaining about life for the whole 12 chapters, Soloman acknowledged that ultimately, God was and will always be the only constant in life. If you feel like leaving and running away, no one can stop you. As you run, you can expect to run your whole life. on the other hand, though its the most painful and nerve-wrecking thing to do, facing the challenges are the most noble and wise thing you can do for YOURSELF, not for your friend, and certainly not for God. After what everyone has said, its up to you. God is just waiting to be apart of your life, you don;t need to do it alone. Trust me, trust us. We love you all too much to see you wander alone. We are and always be here for you.

This song is called The Hymn. If you're not so poetically & sentimentally inclined, hope you would enjoy the melody and feel of the song. To me, it says:

no matter how far off i wander,
even if it seems like i may not make it back,
would God come to search for me? till im back safely with Him

if i run away from the safest place, from His will, my greenest pasture,
would God care to come after me?
even if it means letting go of His throne and glory
instead, putting on a crown made of thorns, and dying the most shameful death.
yes, he would and he did.

everyone out there.. this is who God is ya.
you WILL go through harder things in life, this is just the beginning. But you KNOW where and Who to look to. You look UP, to your Creator. Who is for you, to defend you, protect you, comfort you, guide you and love you. He'll make you a surfing board to surf through the waves and not get drowned.

Who you are is His gift to you; who you can be is your gift to Him.

*sings*
if my heart has one ambition, if my soul 1 goal to seek,
this is my solitary vision, 'till i only dwell in Thee...!

That i only dwell in thee..