how deep is your love?

God has written the Romance not only on our hearts but all over the world around us. What we need is for Him to open up ears that we might recognize His voice calling to us, see his hand wooing us in the beauty that quickens our hearts.



Longer than there've been fishes in the ocean

Higher than any bird ever flew

Longer than there've been stars up in the heavens

I've been in love with you

Stronger than any mountain cathedral

Truer than any tree ever grew

Deeper than any forest primeral

I am in love with you

-Dan Forgelberg, "Longer"

What were the things that romanced your heart as a little girl?
Was it horses in a field? Was it the fragrance in the air after a rain? Was is a favourite book like Sweet Valley? The first snowfall of winter (oops...doesnt apply to us does it?) Those were all whispers from your Lover, notes sent to awaken your hearts longings. And as were journey into a ture intimacy with God as women, he often brings those things back into our lives, to remind us he was there, to heal and restore things that we're lost and stolen.

exerpt from Captivating- John & Stasi Eldredge

shoutout: to all girls, this is an amazing read. First half of the book has already changed the way i have lived in the pass 1 month.

mid week brain chill

sleeepy.. after lunch. i had rice with brinjal, kacang panjang, chicken curry gravy, and a sausage. Today ate at residential hall, got Su to teman me.. thanks Su.. =) i love the environment there, its not too quiet or noisy. Its air is cool, homely and very confortable. A great place to hang out.. I feel that its the most comfortable place compared to many other 'IN' places on campus.

Shall make it my secret hide out =P

Monday was Biz Comm presentation. It was quite OK. Glad it turned out good. After many sleepless nights and 4 hours a day sleep.. Rushing my management assignment and singlehandedly finishing the Biz Comm 'group' assignment.. I took a 1 and half day 'brain chill' to cool it down before the finals..

Have to start studiying tiday la.. or ELSE! Got 2 movie 'appointments' this week.. haha Bourne Ultimatum starring Matt Damon and Lust & Causion starring Wang LeeHom.. Looking forward!! =)

Finals starting on 23rd Oct- 25 oct.. yay! ends just before my birthday !! yeayeaH
must go celebrate!! haha.. go Camerons...? hmm see about it.

fun at the Peak with CF kakis

reminicing over every moment spent in genting with some CF friends.. It was sort of a last minute planned trip.. there was: joanna,cristy,me, sue ann, leslie, jonathan,leonard and robin! it was a great time of getting to know them in the most informal setting. seeing the way they really gear up each other's Gila-ness...makes me feel young again!!

not that im all thaaat old..but after being in a setting where i was the youngest among all my work colleagues, imprinted on my mind a certain kind of mindset.. i guess thats all over for now.. can put them aside for now.. yess.. it took me quite a while to get the past 1 year and 8months out of my head, and look forward to the GREAT GREAT things that lie ahead.

now..the genting trip

we had real great gila fun!! the friday night when we(me, christy,leslie,leonard & rob) reached, jon,joanna and sueann wer already there. got our bags in the room and headed out for some fresh air. we walked literally around the whole genting i suppose and took lots of fotos. at 1 point i remember thinking, "hmm..i just knew this people 2weeks ago.. how is it that i feel that iv known them forever??" thanks guys for making me feel belong and not 'lost' anymore.

at night a few of us stayed up until 3 watching Corps Bride..and enjoying ourselves taking fotos and video taping sleeping and snorning people.. they we actually snoring in harmony..!! kakaka.. leslie has it on tape.. for blackmailing purposes.. haha.. joking. only after we wer really tak tahan falling asleep..nono.. wen robin woke up saying that his back ached and was uncomfortable.. poor fella.. then only we decided to all go back to our places to get some proper rest..

we woke in the morning and woke the guys.. well, we forced them to wake up and ended in a pillow fight.. had some things to eat.. thank u robin for your salmon and crackers.. filled me up till noon~

for a start, we made a pretty bad choice in starting the day with the Flying Coaster and the ship.. too many things happened after that..if i wrote, i dont need my assignment d.. haha

here ar some pics to remember..

im getting work-sick again =_="

i just stumbled across some photos i took with my ex-colleagues at BOCM.. after looking thru them, i began to feel the same kind feeling i felt at the beginning of this month.. WORK SICK~

i miss my work, i miss my workstation, i miss the deafening sound of silence in GM's office, i miss Crystal, i miss GM, i miss elaine, i miss sayyee, i miss michelle, i miss jessie, i miss chery i miss fazrik, i miss ah ken, i miss mowmow, i miss Mr. Seet, i miss li hong

but what can i do?? at this moment..i can only remember. I only have memories...wonderful memories.. for any1 frm BOCM that happens to come across my blog, i love you and miss you so much!! so so so much =(

i still remember the time my manager Michelle came over to my place.. one look at her, and i was in tears.. she was a great boss! a mentor, a role model, a great example, a good friend, and fellow sister in Christ! i got to go to Cambodia for a mission trip with her.. n it was a great experience. part of God's plan being accomplished in my life. about Cambodia Mission trip.. ill blog about it another day..=P

opps..i just came across this power verse..when Moses was asking God to follow him

Exo 34:13

"Now therefore, I pray, if I have found grace in Your sight, show me now Your way, that I may know You, and that i may find grace in Your sight. And consider that this nation is Your people"

This reminds me of how i prayed last year when i was struggling in making some major decisions. and just like the next verse, its exactly what God replied..

Exo 34:14

"and He(God) said, "My Presence will go with you, and i will give you rest"

God I praise You! For who You are and for who i am made in You. My Saviour, Lover of my soul, Comforter, Redeemer, Restorer, my Friend, my Everything and my ALL.

this is grace gone deep

Night and day I seek Your face
Long for You in the secret place
All I want in this life
Is to truly know You more

As the waters cover the sea
So Your love covers me
Guiding me on
Roads unknown
I trust in You alone

My Saving Grace
My Endless Love
Deeper and deeper
Im falling in love with You
My One Desire
My Only Truth
Deeper and deeper im falling in love with You

And I with rise on wings of eagles
Soaring high above all my fears
I rest in Your open arms of love

-Saving Grace by Michelle Fragar, Hillings United Live Best Friend album 2000

Father God,
Yet again, I thank You for Your saving grace that pulled me through. Today during praise celebration, even while ps.Gloria was still preaching, I felt a huge sense of Thanksgiving. felt like my heart was in my throat! felt like standing up and prasing God while the message was still going on..!! this is not the 1st time i felt like this. But then i thought, ushers would escort me out.. hahaha nyway, although still sitting down, dunno y already started crying, like Holy Spirit was already ministering to me then and there, DONT NEED AN ALTAR CALL! Im finally out of the narrow place! im liberated! free! full of peace, thankfulness, totally in awe. When ps.Gloria said, when you are getting stuck, or already stuck, you feel that you cant move left, right, front or back.. people would go down.. But dont do it! the best thing to do is to look UP! i think back in the past 2 years, thats exactly what iv been doing! looking up! often getting neck ache also! (*joking)

God pulled me through! Im in my Promised Land now! UCSI seemed like an unreachable place 2 years ago. Its my promised land for 2 reasons:

1. to get my long awaited degree, something that nearly got out of my sight if it werent for God reminding me, that He promised that i would have it.
2. God mentioned that with the process of getting that degree, my mission was also to take the university for God. to cause transformation and a revolution in the campus. and He assured me that this couldnt happen if i did it alone. Therefore, encouraging me to join the local CF, spreading the wildfire of the Holy Spirit through the CF. He also told me o get prepared for signs and wonders, healings and deliverances happening in the campus through the CF! but ONLY if we believed God for it. ONLY IF we desired and looked to God for it, and not at our abilities and strengths.

Im still in the process of fitting in Uni. With exams and assignments pilling by the day, doing all this seems like climbing mountains. But then again, God pulled me through the alomost impossible before.. He's going to do it again! More powerfully, and so obviously that all.. ALL would see and know that God's hand is upon the campus. and that every believer and un-beliver in in His heart.

That's what is in God's heart

quotes from Joel Houston. again~

hehe couldnt resist the urge of quoting him here. its not so much of the person, but the amount of things that goes on inside the person. i wonderrrr and wonder how and how much God speaks to this person. and how much he in return has caught hold of God's every word, lives, drinks and feeds on it as though its the only means of food he has to survive.

and then, he pours it out into writing and melodies given by God Himself. This then brings out the raw and obsolute power of God whenit is sung and spoken out into the atmosphere. The praising, worshipping, proclaiming, and prophesying through these songs, has caused the heart of a listener like me, to be completely broken into pieces until i feel like that there nothing left.

Songs like: Take it all, From the inside out, None but Jesus (BrookeFraser),The Stand, Hallelujah, Lead me to the cross(BrookeFraser),Found, Hosanna, Never let me go, and Solution, even Take all of me(marty sampson), sing(Your love)(reuben morgan), and Forever(marty sampson). All these have transformed my life to where i am right now.

it was in worshipping with these songs, and ofcoz with the correct heart, i made it to the secret place. being broken time after time after time, surrendering many things wasnt easy. each time, it felt like a part of my heart was being torn away. in the process, God assured me and showed me that every part He takes away was actually bad parts. Things like wrong behaviours, wrong attitudes, complaints, wrongly set priorites, all were taken away one by one. Thats the hard part. God tears it away one by one, not all at one go. I used to ask God, wuldnt it be easier and less work for him and less painful for me if it all was settled at 1 go?

cant wait for the quotes. here goes..

on the plan of doing the I-Heart Revolution 08

"and besides, since when has this thing been in any way, shape or form reliant on whether WE could make it happen...NEVER.. and when did we start categorising ourselves with "every other artist"..??? the very nature of what we do is different.. this is way bigger than all of that.. and so, once again God got a chance to make himself known in our weakness.. we found ourselves falling once again on our need for Him to come through with the goods - and that's exactly where God wanted us to be.."

This experience of walking on water and relying on nothing else but plain faith is universal. Many times, almost everytime actually..id come to this stage and say "God, iv come so far, what next?" then really amazingly, the "next" happens right in front of you and you walk through it yet again.

"as soon as we started thinking and prayin about it - opening our hearts and eyes and ears to what God might be wanting to do.. it became screamingly obvious.. this thing was gonna be all out.. and that's how we approached it.. in every aspect.. everyone involved has given everything they have to making every element of this album everything it had to be.. and in the midst of it God became everything we desired for it..

yep.. it's different.. but it's still the sound of real people getting real with a real God... it's in the studio, but there's no fancy, fancy or over-indulgent production trickery.. we laboured to write the best songs we could.. not just lyrics bending around melody over a bed of instrumentation in a way that would "work in church"... but we chased hard after the heart of God.. searching and pursuing the right words.. pushing ourselves to find the right melodies.. not just playing our instruments.. but worshipping with them.."

it was a beautiful way of doing it.. just forgetting we'd pressed record at times.. and letting the song and the Spirit have their way..

it's about a selfless faith.. the call to love.. the pursuit of justice and helping others.. the hope and freedom we have in Christ.. and the truth of the gospel in a world that is searching.."

i wake up every morning, and remind myself of my role to play for that day. That im not in this alone coz He is with me. Id lay hands and He'd heal, Id pray and He'd answer that prayer, I'd command and He'd cast out the evil spirits, I'd proclaim His name and He'd show up, I'd go evangelism and He'd speak and touch the heart of the seeker. Reminding myself moment by moment, I want to be good hand and good feet for God.

asssignments GALORE in the narrow place.. Gliterry but NOT glamourous

just finished my second mid-term paper. one more to go next week. then its... prepare for Finals!!

actually i can hardly believe everything thats been happening. Entering 4th week of my Uni life and already stressing about deadlines and finals. ahahah i guess this is what is expected of a short sem.. assignments are like mountains. tall, wide and steep. must start moving them.

thanks to a few entertainers, i just had a good laugh. Someone's chatbox converted into war zone.. Blog owner also innocently kena shot.

i just bought some hair dye.. mite dye my hair. But when i brought the box home, realize that its actually quite dark also, colour might not come out.. see how.

Choky-Choky, 1 is enough =)

tired. =P in cell group the other we were talking about what we do when we feel sad, stressed or just feel down.. some go shopping, eating, to go sleep, isolate themselves in the room, buy small but expensive things, go out with friends, or just laze around at home.. hahah mine was to get an EXPENSIVE branded blended drink.. it must be expensive and branded and something made out of coffee.. and perhaps.. something else thats small, smells good, branded and expensive as well teeHEee.. people who know me well enuff could guess this.

although we all know that this must never be someting we resort to when emotions get knocked off balance when things dont go the way we should, we're still aware that being human, its just natural.. and being girls, its EVEN more natural..rite rite?

i just had a really bad start to the day.. its funny how when you see something that reminds you about things that has happened years ago, can still affect you and bring all those emotions back.. as though it just happened yesterday. i was driving to a memorial service this morning, when as soon as i drove out my house lane, i saw an ambulance parked outside a distant neighbour's house. I slowed down too see and right enough, the vehicle was there to take away a dead person. My thoughts flashed back to 2 years a go when the same ambulance was outside my house, waiting to take my grandpa away. The time it took for the thing to actually arrive was agonising. I remember i was in a state of being completely lost in thoughts, didnt know what to think about. At one moment he was there looking up at me, as i turned my head then back again at him, he was gone. Just in a split second. I wonder if thats really how its going to be when Jesus comes back to get us. The bibke says that we'll be gone in a blink of an eye. and thats exactly how it was. He just might have been the first person that saw me when i was born; and i was the last person he saw before God took him back. The final gaze.. meant so much. At that very moment, it felt shattering, painful beyond words. He was one of the most important people in my life. Even now, after nearly 2 years, i still get choked up thinking about that last gaze. People who never saw it, could never feel it, and wpould never be able to understand how it feels. I feel privileged and honoured. Certainly re-living the moment can often be not such a good thing, but it does remind you of your priorities in life, brings you back to your roots, and propels you to into the future.

I want to live the life my grandpa had lived. Full of dignity, strength, confidence, kindness, goodness, generosity, love and integrity. No, i want to live it even better. The kind of standard God has for me. Everything I am, for His kingdom's cause.

My cell leader often conforted me in saying that, it's ok to still be sad and feel at loss, even after many years. But that softness and vuneribility must bring out the best in you. It must cause you to get up and move on. I've moved on with God. But still learning and still letting go of many things. As someone wrote, surrendering is never as easy doing it only once. It takes place everytime we come into God's presence. Im very down today, but its ok.

I bought a packet of Choky-Choky this morning. and promised myself to stop crying after i finished 1 Choky-Choky. Then I move on with God and....

how easy is it to believe in the supernatural? If God is not the Lord of lords, He's not God at all

too many things have been happening in the past 2 weeks. its ok, is all good things.

i remember in my last post or something i mentioned about my head getting stuck in the 'clouds', feeling airheaded and the likes. It all happened after the alter call 2 sundays ago. i was enlightened to a very profound revelation of the Great Commission in my own life. was given a vision very dear to me by God about His glory. The whole experience itself, being filled entirely, every part, every inch, every cell of my body with God's very own spirit. It was the secret place. I was defying gravitiy in the secret place.

then again. this all sounds very unreal to many others. uncomprehendable.. what more to experience it?

i think if you were to ask a person on the street, what he thinks about the supernatural? he would definately talk about evil spirits, ghosts, toyols, pontianak, their dead ancestors, and the likes. the list really doesnt end.

BUT

what about God?

then. THEN.. they will say that dont believe in such things.. that God is a concept or something generated by the minds of few over enthusiastic people groups who call themselves Christians.

if He is really as limited as a concept, then what about the mind-blowing, unthinkable things He's done? Dying for undeserving, disobedient mankind? Mankind who traded their God-given lives, and chose the lesser portion the devil had to offer.

what other bizarre stuff had He done? Things that were SEEN WITH OUR VERY EYES!
Heal terminal diseases, cancers?
Rebuild and restore lives broken by anguish, deep sorrow and humanly unforgivable crimes?
Renewing the minds of the worst crimanls, addicts, sexual perverts, people with animal desires, homosexuals?
Saving people who brought for themselves unthinkable huge financial debts?
how? WHY?

what my small brain can make out of this is that- This is a God. Humans arent even as close to Him.

Going back to spirits. what have evil spirit done to save us?
3D figures to strike the jackpot?
moving 50sen coins around when u ask them to?
spooking and tormenting children out of their beds? and later to cause them fear for the rest of their lives
stealing peace, kill off joy and destroying hope in peoples lives?
People whom God made for Himself to love in the first place!!!

mahnn thinking about this really frusts me up.

i feel really really REALLY bad not being able to tell this to so many people that i love so dearly in my life. people who have grown up with me, seen me through thick and thin, and will forever be friends no matter what.

what iv made out of these pass few weeks of a deep feelings of sadness, constantly bothering me. i havent been able to eat well, sleep well or stay awake well enough. this love is painful, heavy and probably would burst open a heart if left ignored. exaggerating? its no joke.

i will talk about this love. shout & scream about it if i need to. i maybe ignored, laughed at, boycotted, given a cold shoulder, cut away from long friendships, being thought of as a freak. but its ok. i rather get this love note out and save a life from hell than to suffer guilt of not doing anything about it.

THIS is what i want to talk about. This is the lyrics from the song The Stand by Joel Houston> Hillsongs United. it speaks my heart and the all the noise that has been going on in my head, of what God had done for me and to me when i said this to Him. This changed my life.

You stood before creation
Forever within Your hand
You spoke all life into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon
Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
And what could I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I’ll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

The thing of surrendering your soul -mind & emotions to God is that, HE takes it pours into it His amazing love, grace, hope, and His very own life. Then gives it back to you to go and touch another. We then walk around like little containers filled so full with love we cannot control but to spill it into lives around us.

This is my prayer for you who have not experienced of even never heard of all this before.

Dear Father,
I thank You for dying for and forgiving us- undeserving and often ungrateful children. I finally understand how much You love us and want to have a real relationship with us, which was Your plan from the very beginning. You call us by name. I realize that sin- the uncountable wrong things we've done, and even the right things that we didnt do, have separated us from You. Because You are a Holy God and cannot tolerate what is not good. I believe that You loved us so much, that You stepped down from Your throne unto earth just to die to save us personally from eternal separation from You. You couldnt bare to let us go. I invite You into my life to be my God and Saviour. I want to experience You in a way so real that no one could deny Your existence. Make me the kind of person that You want me to be. Your child, heir,.. dearly loved, richly blessed, and powerfully anointed by You. Come dear God, i want to know You. By faith i believe that You are with me. In Jesus name in pray and thank You dear God.

wifi at Uni

cool.. managed to confugure the wifi settings properly. and now im online in library. the speed is a real relief compared to dialling up at home. haha i actually managed to watch Brooke Frasers' mtv of Deciphering Me on YouTube. This is a wonderrrr.

I wonder why lecturers end their classes so way ahead of time? every 2 and 3 hours is cut short to 1. My 8-11am class ended at 9.15.. hmm.. doesnt feel right.

Maybe cause iv got my expectations of many things too high. Like what lihan said, people who have been there and have done all those things hands on, who feel a lil out of place when put in a position were you do nothing except sit and listen. I cant find any questions to ask that is inline with the topic. Because what i want to ask is not taught yet..=P

Im desperate to find someone who i can get into deep conversation with about many topics. Someone who is on the same frequency and level.. i miss debating with Mr. Seet and Han about ridiculous government politics. Talking to Is and Ah Lek about football matches and how we all dream of being football commentaries. Say Yee-my colleague called me yesterday, to ask about some miss placed stuff at office, and how im doing here. When i heard her voice when i answered the call.. mahnn. felt like crying. Shes on of those that i miss the most!! i miss elaine, lihong, michelle, jessie, ah lek, ken, tracy, chery, kelvin, crystal, seow huan, ms.Cho, yvonne, chooiping, jLo, fee yen, kingkong, mrSeet, mowmow..aihh too many people. and its just been a week since i left BOC..

goodness! im work sick! so work sick!

aihh now it think..working is so fun.. fun fun fun.. n not a milisecond is wasted. Now in Uni i feel like.. ohnoo there goes my precious time of in-betweens.. i shall enrich myself and occupy my whole brain by starting my assignments now.. then try to hand in well before the due date.

anyway.. this shall be my motto for the whole period..and a loong long time to come.

I am

Deeply loved

Richly blessed

Highly favoured and

Powerfully anointed by God.

I wonder what their CF is like.. will see tomoro =)

woaahh woahh.. God be the solution!!

oh boy~~ *big sigh*


im tired.. tired of thinking too much about things that obviously are purposeless.. anxiety, uncertainty of the next step, of the future.. aihh it has taken up too much space in my brain. CANNOT! just cannot go on. lets stop it now.

then, just the right word came at the right time. Thanks Holy Spirit ;)
Romans 8
vs5 for those who lived according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the spirit, the things of the spirit.

vs6 for to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.

vs8 so then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God. (OUCH!!! okok)

vs9 but you are NOT in the flesh but in THE SPIRIT, if INDEED THE SPIRIT OF GOD DWELLS IN YOU!! (knock knock.. Holy Spirit in hereee..) now, if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His. (aiyoo.. terasa =_=)

vs10 and if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness.

then.. the best part..

vs15 for as many as are led by the spirit of God, THESE (only theeeezzz) are the sons of God. (daughters also) vs 17 and if children, then heirs- hiers of God and joint heirs with Christ..

ahh..!! dear Father God.. You dont speak so softly afterall huhh..

id be a useless heir if i dont realize that im an heir and live like an heir.. theres surely more to life than this.

This..THIS..! is my solution..to all the loud voices of worries and anxieties in my head for the past 10days.. This light of Your Word has shined on these darks area in my head.. and exposed them!! LEaving the 'upper room' totally lighted and liberated! Its Illuminated.

Tell u.. its in THESE times..really, when His strength is made perfect in our obvious weaknesses. How much more real can You be God. Always right beside me, prooving me wrong.

As David said in his Psalms 73:26

"My flesh and my heart fail, but God is the strength(rock) of my heart and my portion forever."

God lets illuminate the world together. starting from people around me, my Uni, my friends.. Togederr gederr ok? ;)

my 2nd day at UNi..

this is an experience far beyond comprehendable..i was driving to Uni for the second day of orientation.. talking to God.. and realized that everything that im in now.. my car, the Uni im going to.. are all miracles in my life. Many months back..these werent even possible to exist now.. as in.. there were no signs of these things ever existing in my life. My last job at BOC.. the experience was even more unthinkable than the unthinkable.. better not think to much..

my 1st day was.. hmm.. really..very... interesting.. we had briefings throughout the day on many uninteresting but important issues. Course selection was rather messy tho.. the subjects offered had clashes... aihh bit sien.. im nervous like nuts about the subjects then there clashes.. but it worked out ok today.. played a step on the balloon game organized by the student council. iv met a comfortable amount of coursemates..so thats a relieve.. something funny..

we went to look for our head of school who was absent ytd.. (drove us all franctic due to lack of guidance) for him to approve our subjects.. wen we entered his room.. 1 thing struck me was that, he was rather young and had this permanant worried/tensed/confused look on his face.. that really seems like impossible to wipe off.. he looked so stressed , confused and tensed throughout our discussion.. i was really tempted to ask him "Mr.X, are u ok?, u need some water?" but then again..rather not put my reputation on the head of school's line on the 2nd day of Uni..if not..

Was talking to God again the other day.. wondering.. God u favoured me so so so much in BOC, in every aspect. How about the same amount of favour here? wouldnt that be great? or double amount? yes, i want to do Your business 1st, then all of it will be mine as well rite? ok. got it.

tomorrow there's...uhh.. Intro to Management and Organisional Theory.. aihh wonder what that's all about..

anyway.. Big change people..Big change.. Im still stuck in reality and unbelief.. and stuck in the clouds as well.. thats anther serious story..

when grace goes deep.

These are extracts from Max Lucado's book- Come Thirsty.

Its enlightening in the sense that, we often feel dry, know that we are thirsty, but dont know what to do about the thirst. Some even can't identify the reason they thirst. and go on being dehydrated. Iv been there too. Dehydrated but not drinking. Physically AND spiritually. But this stands out in my life that i am very grateful for: I dont really have great difficulty coming back to God. Not taking his grace for granted, but, the kind of person that i am, i often, as in very very often need God's assurance that He is there, with me every moment of the day. Therefore, i know that He is never far away. and even if i feel that He is far, this fact remains: God never moves, I have.

= Too many tasks. Keeping the robe spotless, the ring positioned, the sandals snug- who could meet such standards? Gift preservation begins to wear the young man. He avoids the Father he feels He cant please. He quits wearing the gifts he cant maintain..=

This passage struck me instantly. As i was talking to jiarong about some difficulties i faced in ministry and in serving, he reminded me that this is what happends when we rely on our own strength. In the midst of all the preparations and getting things in order, i missed the 1 important aspect of ministry: Its not ny might, nor by power, but by God's spirit. I thank God for these friends. For talking to me, through them.

Who determines your identity? What defines you? The day you were dropped? Or the day you were carried to the King's table?

I feel that this is the ultimate expression of Grace. Unearned and undeserved favour from our Father.

John Oxenham wrote in 1913:

GOD'S HANDWRITING

He writes in characters too grand
For our short sight to understand
We catch but broken stokes, and try
to fathom all the mystery
of withered hopes, of death, of life,
the endless war, the useless strive-
But there, with larger, clearer sight,
We shall see this0 His way was right.

God i thank You. For grace. For favour. For mercy. For Hope. and for a future. Amen.

iv found a place > caught in open arms

My mondays are always fun, sunny, and almost never blue. But today didnt feel like my average monday. It was gloomy, blue, and not fun. tsk*need a tissue.

Its because the moment i woke up, i realized that its the last monday i will be working at BOCM.. a place where blessing, favour, and grace was poured out, overflowing my life. A place of promise, where God spoke so deeply and clearly about each of my next steps. I found Hope, a Vision and I learned to dream dreams with God. I have learned about getting up shamelessly, boldly and with integrity from every fall, and discovered the power of the strength God gave me to move on with Him. He taught me how to love deeply and selflessly. He revealed to me what i am capable of doing if i held on and never let go. He taugth me to forgive and made clear that it was also possible for me to forget, though the world says that "You're forgiven but not forgotten". I learned the art and the heart of worship and surrender. I discovered the meaning of intimacy and how it changed and turned around many values that i thought was right.




i discovered what was on God's heart. His children, are the center of His life. As i began to realize how much we occupy God's heart and how much He wants to do for us, it changed my striving into peace, my doubts into trust, my fear into bold obedience. It enabled me to enter His rest.


As for now, i overflow with blessings, favour, and joy. Although not terribly anticipating this change, but... deep down, i know that it'll bring out the best things in me. and i know that even in this change, He is with me.

we dont need wings to be Angels

aikkss im scratching like an icthy monkey...~~
right in the middle of watching the Da Vincci Code on telly, the power went of, leaving 4 enthusiastic eyes that were stuck on the TV now into total darkness... altogther we went " Aiyoooooo, apala??!!" hahaha with one voice, sounded pretty cool

then one by one, each left to their own stuff, leaving me, still, staring into space.. then i thought.. ohhh this wud be a good time to retreat to my 'secret place'..haha not so secret anyway

spent the nex hour reading blog, being encouraged and built up inspiring things written by inspring people who were inspired by an inspiring God...

i came across this picture the other day, when i was searching for a picture to explain to dawson how to make the blog header. Its called "Illuminate" and this was written below the pic

"We are here in this world to remember who we are, a path few dare to follow to its logical conclusion. This photograph, which was taken in the basement of an ancient castle near Rome, Italy, serves to remind us of our One purpose. When we transcend our limitations, let go of our past, face our fears, and live a life of unselfish love, the One Light has no choice but to fill our entire beings."

God I pray that I will be, that we will be a people that not just talk about this Light, but to talk, act and live with the Light in our lives. That wherever we go, we will be light walking torches, carriying Your light, puncturing every darkness that ever exists here on earth and in the dark places in the hearts on mankind. We want to be good hands and feet for You. =)

pink, white, cream, purple, red and orange flying balloons*** Blessed Beyond Measure

haha heres some pics of what i wore to my recent company dinner.. hehe so like it very much!

now i have 2 cheong sams, few sarees.. now need a kebaya! i bought the cloth for kebaya 4years ago.. but never got to get it sewn.. maybe next year~

hehe this got me to the top 10 best dressed on saturday night.. hahah

Talking about saturday night.. wHaT a nIGhT it was!!! although it not oni got me a sore back by standing and MC-ing the whole night..but also many many memories accumulated from the pass 18 months in BOCM.. all passed through my mind one by one, as i sat down at 11pm to eat my cold dinner. it was freaaaaking tiring.. but when i sat down, sipping my cold 'hot tong sui', i just looked around.. all the beautiful smiling faces.. all of whom i can proudly say that i know very well.. the next thing was.. mahnn.. im going to really really REALLY miss these ppl.. REALLY, and DEARLY.

This will be my last month in BOCM..then its off to UCSI. this period of time has been a nerrrve wrecking experience.. iv never been sooo nervous since.. taking my A-levels results 3 years ago.. heheh. and before leaving this wonderful place.. i was also blessed from my God above with a BIG SUM of prizes... * wont disclose it here*.. one of the most in the whole company. Then again.. my Father's on the 2nd floor is a cool and rich man.

Then about this outfit.. i just thought of having some fun and enjoying myself before embarking on yet another long journey. mana tau enter Best Dressed right? ahaha OUr theme for the night was mainly shades of red and purple. so my Saree has red, pink, pinkish-purple, purple and blue on it. it was love at first sight for that one.

Now on.. im counting down the days to my last day at BOCM... how time flies.. 18 days.. oh no..minus the sats and suns.. makes it.. 14 days!!!!!! WHAAAAAT!? aihh.. sooo sad...

who wants to bet that i will cry on my last day?

Jesus would have a goooood laugh. but HE made me this way =P

aihh one more sad case.. i forgot to take my camera to the dinner!!! ishhhhh ishhh

so the rest of the beautiful fotos are with my colleagues.. aihh take from them later.. haha

revolution According to Joel

This is an exerpt of an interview of Joel Houston. How he defines worship and how he how he gives God his worth-ship by loving God and people.

Joel:
My revelation of worship is outwards. If we're truly a worship band, I feel that we need to communicate both: we need to write songs that glorify God lyrically, but also write songs that glorify God in the way we live our lives.

People talk about this worship revolution that's occurred over the last ten years focusing only on worshiping God in song. Coming out of that season, I think the testimony is that we'll be judged by how the church lived as far as becoming the hands and feet of Jesus and helping those in need. That's a revelation that's been real strong for our church.
What we do in song is a reflection of where experiencing at home.

















On the I-Heart Revolution :

Joel:
The whole message is really about turning our back on individualism and not living self-focused lives. We're looking at how that's relevant to every context and every culture. How worship and justice relate to kids in South America, or how worship and justice relate to kids here in the United States. The movement aspect of it is putting together resources for local churches and young people to do things that are really simple, yet really big. In a nutshell, it's helping people that need to be helped—local focus, global impact.

I think it's the greatest challenge for our generation.

My revelation of worship is "Love God, love people." That's giving of yourself, being obedient, sacrifice. That is the very opposite of individualism, the opposite of getting caught up in yourself. The number one tool of the enemy is to create a church of Christians that is happy, complacent, and content. "Great service, I had a great time, I enjoyed the music." That's Christianity to a lot of people.
Everything in our culture is about the individual.

But if young people were to understand that our faith walk is a daily decision to make those sacrifices—if we understand it and we can live it, then the church would be what it was truly called to be.

http://www.theiheartrevolution.com/

Joel talks irony in his message on this webbie:

"I don't know about you.. but if our generation is remembered for ipods, myspace, and youtube we missed it.. if history speaks of our generation as self indulgent pioneers of the digital age, reality television and purpose built celebrity we'll have failed.. the world will change by itself.. for better or for worse.. it changes daily.. but who will be the ones to shape it.. and how will it look?

in and of itself revolution is neither good or bad.. revolution represents change.. a shift in culture.. History is marked by revolutions.. social and political.. some have represented victory, freedom and justice, however on the flip-side.. too many have become infamous representations of despair, oppression and injustice.. all it takes for evil to prosper is for good men to do nothing.. for the church – the hands and feet of Jesus and His plan for the salvation of this big, broken sphere of dirt, water and life we temporarily call home, this has never sounded with more urgency..

it's time for a revolution.. fuelled by a dissatisfaction with self-centred living and complacent faith.. driven by a desire for truth, love and justice..that's what this is all about…

every generation needs a revolution.. and this one needs to look, sound, walk and breathe like love..

Love God.. love people.. that's it.. that's the revolution.. revolutionary I know.. but if we understand what that means.. if we get it.. if we establish in our thinking how that looks.. and we start living it.. we will change the world.. it's not so much about the big stuff.. it's just about the stuff.. it's about the people in the places being the answer - in the places.. and together; becoming the answer to the big stuff.. it's about your backyard.. it's about my backyard..

it's the fundamental call of what it means to be a follower of Christ.. "

to stop to think, and really wonder what if our only lifetime, starts and ends just here on earth. and after that, non-existence. what would i live for? what would i love and fight for?

a hard fact states that, many people do take this literally, and that's all they know. another hard fact is that this world is lead by many of these people. and in the very VERY near future, US. the ones with the ipods plugged in our ears, the latest Sony 5510i in our hands and laptops on our laps since we were born. how would these kind of walking and talking gadjets shape this world??

as mentioned above. we NEEED a Revolution. badly. History is marked by revolution. social..political.. all have brought out what people, communities and countries are today. and those that have lead to infamous representations of despair, oppression and injustice, all it took is for evil to prosper and for good men to do nothing.

good men? so much for them. but look at ourselves. what do we consider ourselves? and what are the results of our action or inaction so far? as far as we have come? this is to consider.

deep down, i have made a commitment to be a part of this revolution. to be God's answer in my place for the people i can and touch. and make sure that it looks, sounds, walks and breathes like love. God's very own love.

i also consider myself a disciple. that means i have to look, sound, walk and breathe like one. sounds like an uphill crawl or upstream paddling? then, that's what grace is for. and THAT's whats so amazing about it. it not only pulls you through, it causes you to reach those heights you never ever dreamed of.

haha

the bible says that its enough for us and that our Father's strength would be made perfect in our weaknesses.

This very heart You have shaped for Your pleasure, purposed to life Your name high. I thank You dear, dear Lord.

My Answer is You

There's a world of difference when faith is in a heart
It stands out like sunlight
Life becomes so dark
And when those around me ask me why I dream
Or why I love or why I sing
My Answer is You My Answer is You
You're the hope that my heart keeps holding on to
Skeptics won't understand
It's strange from world's point of view
My Answer is You

They might find it incredible to believe what I can't see
They might think its foolish
Or even say its weak
I want to live life so differently because of faith
If it causes them to question, for me to say
My Answer is You
Its strange from the world's point of view
But my answer is plain and it's simple, Lord



I wish to hear You praying in the garden alone
Laying down Your will with each tear
To see You walk that lonely road
Willing to die for me

You're the reason I'm alive
For every good thing in my life

My Answer is You.

like cotton candy and having pure fun

hehe i learnt a new song today. from Hillsongs Saviour King.

The verses go like this:

Beholding Your beauty is all that I long for
To worship You Jesus is my sole desire
For this very heart You have shaped for Your pleasure
Purposed to lift Your name higher

Chorus:
Now unto the Lamb who sits on the throne
Be glory and honour and praise
All of creation resound with the song
Worship and praise Him, the Lord of lords..

This time round I have been watching many vcds and dvds on worship concerts. I observed the way the worship leaders lead the singing and worship. and ive learnt that, the way a person looks, the facial expression, body language, potrays very much what is going on in the inside parts. It reflects much on the heart of the worship leader. I remembered thinking "wow.. Joel Houston worships as if God was right in front of him. Darlene smiles at God and is just so relaxed and having a great time when she sings. Marty Sampson looks like he's singing a love song to his Father. Brooke Fraser's voice caused a breakthrough in my spirit." and i believe all this has happened, just because these people were having God right beside them and in them while they praised. They had to have a rock-solid relationship with the Holy Spirit to be able to cause such an upbuilding in the atmosphere. and influences you to praise.

Also realized that however a person looks like when sh/he worships in church, most likely will reflect his worship with the door closed and the heart opened to God.

I think that the depth of our worship and the closeness we have with God when we worship, together with to the degree our heart is open to God, this would naturally and definately reflect in our outward appearance. Inward adoration reflected in outward praise. Only what we have inside, will reflect outside.

God, let us not forget the beauty of Your mercy and beauty of Your grace, and what You had done so that we could be Your people. We will not be ashamed of You.

a quiet soul and a million words

it happens when you sit down, do nothing but look into your Father's eyes. Your soul is quiet, but your heart is in deep conversation with Him. Discussing your about your latest crush, the child you met in the supermarket that laughed when you made faces at, how happy you are when you finally get that first new laptop that you've been waiting for. My Father listens..shakes His head and laughs. Then he continues listening, until i get tired and stop.

Then He laughs again, messes my hair and pulls me closer. For I know the thoughts thay I think toward you, He says, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.. and you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for me with all your heart.





Its wonderfully amazing, awesome and personal, how my Father is to me. This is a tiny fraction of my imagination of what it'll be like when we meet, with Him beside me.

Through these years of failing and falling, never once did God forget to rush to grab me, help me up, dust the dirt off me and walk again with me. One person put it this way "It doesnt say float near to God or drift near to Him. I had to make a choice to get up and go and praise.

Looking back at these 19 months that i thought of as "the valley", turned out to me something phenomenal. Something happened when i worshiped God at that darkest hour. The light of His love broke through that darkness,overcame it, and lifted me. The lights went on. I thank you Holy Spirit for reminding me that my only response should be and always will be - to praise, no matter how dark it gets.So many times, when i was crazily floundering around, making every mistake imaginable, His tender and precious mercies, His scarred hands pulled me through. David wrote in Psm34 "I will bless the Lord at ALL TIMES, His praise shall cantinually be in my mouth..my soul, my walking,my talking, laughing, singing..makes its boast in the Lord. The humble shall hear of it and be glad...They looked to Him and were radiant,and their faces were not ashamed." Now i know no shame =)

I've learnt that life has its seasons, ups & downs, but the invitation is always there. Its always open arms, He always will go "Come, draw near to me." I remember in the parable of the Prodigal son. When he took his 'rightful treasures' and went away, his father didnt go after him. He didnt sent people to search for him or nag him come back, coz he knew that one fine day, this child of his would wake up realize he cant go on on his own and come back. The father never moved. My Father never moved.

God also gave me hope- a divine dream. An inner image that's bigger than me because its built on God's very own promise for my life.

When i learnt to give my heart to God daily, acknowledging Him as my Saviour, focusing on Him in every area of my life, i'm now able to walk in boldness and confidence of who God is, what He's done for me and who i am made in Him.

Here i know the power of forgiveness, Here...
I know the power of Your blood.

One thing i have desired of the Lord, that i will seek; that i may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life.
To behold the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in His temple..
I will sing, yes, i will sing praises to the Lord. Your face Lord, I will seek." Psm 27